  Life would be so much easier if loving yourself was as gratifying as loving someone else. I like me. You know? I like who I am just fine. Of course, there are things i wouldn't mind changeing, but I'm content. Sometimes, I just wish that life wasn't so love oriented.
With every new guy I meet, I think "maybe?". With every relationship I see, I say "aww they're so great". How is it that someone like myself cannot find one person who would ever be with me? I mean, sure I've had a few relationships, but only because I believe in giving everyone a chance. My first kiss was one from some stranger who tried to get me to have sex with him. Someone I didn't know at all.
Something I didn't want. My second kiss was from a good friend who was horny. Nothing that really mattered to the opposite person, but it's all I have. I don't know why this should bother me either. I mean, most of my time is well spent. It's not like I'm desperate or anything.
Hell, I've been lonely my whole life.. woopy shit if it's another day, week, month, year. I should be able to have enough love in myself for myself that I can satisfied with life. Don't get me wrong though. It's not that I'm depressed or unhappy all the time. It's just that I'm lonely. Not "staying at home all night because you have no one to talk to" lonely.
Not "going to a public place just so i can see people" lonely. The lonely I feel is constant, whether I'm with someone or not. It's a hole in my being. It's a weight on my soul. It's a desire to feel something more than the everyday highs and lows. It's the need for spontaneity.
It's the feeling you get when you take an online quiz and find out you have an extremely compatable personality and realize that still no one wants you. I dont' know what to blame this horror on. Myself, indefinately. But what is it about myself? My fear of rejection that stops me from saying what I feel? Or is it my sick sense of humor?
Maybe my intellect scares ppl away. Or maybe I'm just to bold. However, I think it all boils down to my extended stomache and my ugly face. I don't know why I decided to post this. I mean, it's awfully depressing, and it makes me sound extremely fucked up. I'm really a rather happy person.
I just need someone. At least, for tonight. 
