  at the end of the tunnel.. or just some mean ass prick with a friggin flashlight. Cause I swear by all that is holy and un-holy that I am going to tear it from his hands and beat the piss out of the bastard when I get there. I keep thinking, and maybe that is my problem, that I can see the end of the current wrong turn/path I am on.
But then BAM- sorry Emeril- something else happens. Why? Dont know. fate? life? the karma frieght train? Still paying back for a previous lifes screw ups? Honestly I figured I would be earning money on an escrow account by now. Seriously. Havent I been though enough? Wasnt being married to the cheating rat bastard and being away from my family for so long enough? Wasnt being in NC when my dad needed me enough? Losing my horses- who were my best friends... enough? Having my dad die within a month of me getting home? Having lied to him that I was "alright" when I really wasnt.. and the guilt.
Wasnt enough? How about losing my self respect for years? my self esteem?? How about not calling my best friend on Sept 10th and telling her that I got "one of those feelings" and had "one of those dreams" Knowing she was going to be in the WTC the next day. She would have listened, taken me seriously, not gone in early to prepare for her presentation. not been there. How about losing my Tahle'? My gelding, because i didnt make the right choice there either. I should have gone back to work.. to a job I hated. Left my baby girl with a day care provider and prayed I choose the right one. Then THEN!!! My life would be sooooooooo much better. Or would it. 
