  i'm sitting here with my brow furrowed and i can't even do any work b/ c all i want to do is sit in a chair and scream my face off.
nbsp;  i'm back down at my old desk. nbsp;  however,  my old desk ( and my old job)  currently belong to this old woman named sandra. nbsp;  about 3 months ago i was told that i was being moved from my job as assistant to two people to assisting the director. nbsp;
 sounds like a promotion,  but really it wasn't.
nbsp;
 it was just an annoyance.
nbsp;
 but,  i'm a trooper,  so&
nbsp;
 i agreed.
nbsp;
 also,  i hated my two bosses,  so i was psyched to get the hell away from them.  &
nbsp;  however,
 when i moved to my " new"  position,  i spent the first month and a half basically working two jobs-  my old one and my new one b/
c the old lady they got to fill my position is totally incompetent.
nbsp;
 i put up with that,  too b/ c i'm a masochistic idiot who doesn't know how to assert herself professionally.
 &
nbsp;
 it wasn't until very recently that i finally got comfortable in my new role.
nbsp;
 i wasn't working for my old bosses at all.
nbsp;
 i was almost enjoying the monotony of it all.
nbsp;
 and then bam!
nbsp;
 sandra's son dies.
nbsp;
 then,  she gets hospitalized for having a seizure.
nbsp;
 and now she's been gone for weeks.
nbsp; nbsp;
i got a call this morning&
nbsp;
asking me to come back down to cover&
nbsp;
for her while she's gone-  INDEFINITELY!
nbsp;
 argh!
 &
nbsp;
 so.
nbsp;
 i'm back at my old desk.
nbsp;  however,
 it's obviously not mine anymore.
nbsp;
 and it's literally covered in filth.
nbsp;
 there's&
nbsp;
papers everywhere.
nbsp;
 there's a mountain of dust and grime caked up on the keyboard.
nbsp;
 it's like this desk was excavated out of a coal mine.
nbsp;
 how can one tiny old lady be so disgusting?
nbsp;
 god.
nbsp;
 i don't need this.
 &
nbsp;
 i love how i'm always the one to get fucking fucked around here.
nbsp;
 it's just not fair.
nbsp;
 i'm back down here cleaning up her mess-  both physically and fiscally.
nbsp;
 again.
nbsp;
 i'm done.
nbsp;
 this is just it.
nbsp;
 i'm currently living my own worst case scenario.
nbsp;
 i'm right back in the job i loathe working for the two worst bosses in the history of the world.
nbsp;
 i can't quit because i'm too poor to live WITH the job. imagine the&
nbsp;
horror of living&
nbsp;
WITHOUT&
nbsp;
it.
nbsp;
 i may not get the financial aid that will allow me to go to school in the fall.
nbsp;
 so,  i'll have to forfeit my acceptance to school which,
nbsp;
quite frankly,  is&
nbsp;
the one good thing that's happened for me all year.
nbsp;
 i have yet another stupid boring crush on a boy ( which,  believe me,  i'm really pissed about.
nbsp;
 i don't want this extra stress in my life right now.
nbsp;
 my self esteem is bad enough already.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
i feel like i'm going to burst into tears right now.
nbsp;
 i'm just so frustrated and i feel powerless.
nbsp;
 yes,  this is my life.
nbsp;
 smell that?
nbsp;
 yeah.
nbsp;
 that's not success you're taking a whiff of.
 &
nbsp;
 i'm just sick to death of everything.
nbsp;
 i give up.
nbsp;
 can i resign from my own life?
 &
nbsp;
 o.
k. nbsp;
 mid- blog update.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
 i feel moderately better than i did earlier.
nbsp;
 nothing is fixed,  nor do i see any solutions to my stupid predicaments.
 &
nbsp;
 but,
 steve asked me if i'd like to go for a walk.
nbsp;
 and i was like,
 "
hell yeah!
nbsp;
 and then diane was going out for her cigarette break,  so i was like,
 "
yeah.
nbsp;
 you're going to have to give me one of those.
nbsp;
 she was like,
 "
oh no!
nbsp;
 i don't want to corrupt you.
nbsp;
 please.
nbsp;
 corrupt this!
nbsp;
 don't worry-  she gave it to me.
nbsp;
 and it was&
nbsp;
awesome.
nbsp;
 even thought it&
nbsp;
was a virginia slim ultra light menthol ( gag)
nbsp;
 it was the greatest.
nbsp;
 then,
 when i was walking back from the delivery/ pickup i got catcalled.
nbsp;
 normally,  that makes me feel awful and self- conscious.
nbsp;
 but,
 i really like my outfit today.
nbsp;
 i feel really hip and cool.
nbsp;
 i have on these great earrings which jason said made me look like a ludlow cokehead.
nbsp;
 hot.
nbsp;
 so,
 i'm basically strutting down the street in my impossibly high platform wedges ( which i've worn exactly once since i bought them last&
nbsp;
 year because,  well,  they're impossibly high and they hurt my stupid ankle.
nbsp;
 anyway,  i'm walking down the street and i hear these guys talking as i walk.
nbsp; nbsp;
it's on the periphery until i hear someone&
nbsp;
yelling,
 "
what?
nbsp;
 you can't even say hi?
nbsp;
 god!
nbsp;
 and i turned around because i wanted to know&
nbsp;
what all the commotion was about and the guy is looking right at me,  yelling.
nbsp;
 so,
 i screamed out,
 "
you're talking to me?
nbsp;
 why?
nbsp;
 and he&
nbsp;
goes,
 "
because you're&
nbsp;
the only sexy woman on the street wearing a green shirt.
nbsp;
 and i burst out laughing and said thank you and walked on.
nbsp;
 then,
 this woman ( another total stranger,  naturally)  walked up behind me and goes,
 "
well,
 that was cute.
nbsp;
 and you know what?
nbsp;
 it kind of was.
nbsp;
 thanks,  stranger!
nbsp;
 as pathetic as it sounds,  you made me feel ever so slightly less crazy and useless today.
 &
nbsp;
 sometimes being sexually harrassed on the street can be the best thing that ever happened to you.
