  I just watched, like, 9 or 10 episodes of AMC. What a load of scenery chewing fun! So, here’s an update. Please take note, there are some new cast members in need of nicknames and some returning cast members also in need of nicknames. Babe will be known as “that slutty cow” or “Bessy the whore”. The monobrowed lunkhead now working for the cops will be known as “Tarzan of the ADAs”.
Brooke is back (my sister really dislikes her but I cannot find out why. “She sucks” isn’t specific enough-duh, they all suck). So for the time being I am going to go with “thyroid condition mommy” (her eyes bulge out). Greenlee, Carlos and the mouth breather are all laid up in the hospital. Carlos and Greenlee got run over by a car and the mouth breather had an overdose. Of insecticide.
Teehee. Since there are 3 cast members in the hospital that means it’s just been one big parade of freaks through there. Maria keeps slinging her bodacious ta-tas all around (which is nice) but the mouth breather keeps kissing her. I find this highly disturbing. Did they used to date or something? I must have missed the explanation of why she doesn’t slug the crap out of him.
Simone beat Mary up simply for being her fantastically evil self (yeah the squeak toy beat up Cruella DeVil, it was pretty funny) and everybody got new highlights, product and haircuts. Except Bianca. She needs to get a new ‘do soon, she is starting to look like Laura Ingalls the time she got a high fever, wandered off and started talking to god. Juan Poopie is less offensive now that he has a new haircut and is being “serious brother protector from the mob stud” as opposed to “I am a smarmy, smirking, Greenlee’s face licking man whore”.
Greenlee woke up with a broken arm and facial bruises thinking she was back to the future. She made out with the mouth breather (before he overdosed but after he had already been making out with Kendall-I think) before coming to her senses. Where’s Edmund slash Huey Lewis when we need a rousing rendition of the Back to the Future theme song?
Carlos woke up, barely, because Greenlee was groping him. (haha Juan Poopie! You’ve been begging him to wake up for days and all it took was Greenlee sliding her hand up his gown. ) The mouth breather (sadly) woke up and jumped with both feet back into his pissy ways. Bianca got a sonogram, Kendall found it and the fest began. Kendall was actually jumping up and down she was so excited that now there is an heir to the make-up fortune. And the mouth breather can bugger off. But of course Bianca, being the retarded tree-hugging lesbian that she is, wants no part of this plan. Well duh. More secrets mean more reasons for me to get to chug beer during later episodes. Then Erica shows up while Kendall and Bianca are having a scream fest and joins in.
Except Bianca mostly tears up and or stares at her shoes. It was still a fine show, Kendall and Erica can seriously throw down. So Kendall finally leaves and Lena shows up. Erica kisses her ass (which was weird) and splits. Bianca and Lena still do not make out or even shake hands but Bianca did send Lena off with a message of hope (or some horseshit) for Kendall. But Lena cannot deliver the message because Kendall’s been arrested! For killing Michael! Teehee, right.
This huge support mob descends on the jail house. Lena, Maggie, Bianca, Aiden, Jack, mouth breather. It’s a big ol’ love in for Kendall. Mean cop and Tarzan of the ADAs are poking at Kendall and then even Bianca pitches a little fit. Lena takes the rap and they toss her in the pokie. Really, it’s actually very disturbing how ill trained and how poorly bad cop, Tarzan of the ADAs and Jackson do their jobs. Lena and Bianca did a little groping back in the cell. That was nice but it’s probably a trick.
Mary is trying to frame that slutty cow to please Adam but it doesn’t seem to be working out which makes no sense. I mean, Junior, Jamie and slutty cow have about 16 brain cells between them and Mary has dozens plus she is older, more attractive and way more evil. Simone is trying to get Tad to like her like her and not just be a booty call. (btw, Tad has been to the tanning bed and he looks way better. ) Mia likes Aiden but he is still stalking Kendall. Reggie likes pizza with his daddy but Greenlee is a big baby and is ruining it for him what with her princess attitude and broken arm.
Stupid white sister! Maria thinks Juan Poopie is a loser (get in line sister), Brooke has a daughter who is mentally challenged and has been getting dating advice from slutty cow. Which is wrong on so many levels but the main level is that the kid is, like, 5 or something. Since meat hook Michael bit it there hasn’t been nearly enough alcohol consumption taking place. Oh sure, Adam, Palmer, Tad and Opal were slinging around some scotch and I saw Mia with a six pack but really .
Unless they are at the police station they need to have a glass of something in their hands. The dock, the campus, the hospital, homes, condos, apartments, private jets, airports, offices, secret passageways, these are all perfectly acceptable. 
