  intermission. it's been a hard week. some weeks are harder than others. i keep thinking about last year around this time. maybe if i hadn't smoked that pack of cigarettes about that time, it wouldn't have happened. i will never smoke again. anything. all those years i didn't smoke, and stayed "quit". why did i pick that particular two weeks to start again?
it hasn't even been a year yet. please don't expect me to be "over this". please don't expect me to "stop being morbid. " please don't tell me "work this out with your therapist so you stop thinking about it. " i will probably think about this every day for the rest of my life. we return to your regularly scheduled program now. 
