  yo just me and here we go. Ana's confusing me and every time i try to help it blows up in my face. kana's in the hospital I'm not sure what happened but we think she hurt herself over a grade and some other problems. I'm not her friend really but i am still worried about her and i wanna go make sure shes OK but i don't know what hospital shes in. it's the end of the school year only a week of finals to go and then I'm a sophmore... man it's scary i can't believe it i had a hard enough time maturing to freshman status what am i gonna do as a sophomore?
blow it entirely? make a fool of myself and have to move to another country? i mean really it's not like i have anyone who really knows who i am, what makes me tick. sure my friends think they know me but how much of what they know is just part of this elaborate facade i put up around myself day in and day out? Is what they think i am what i really am? i can't even answer those questions for myself i don't know why I'm trusting complete strangers to answer them for me. i just wish like every little girl forced to grow up that prince charming will sweep down off his white horse and carry me away into the sunset were we shall live in happily ever after forever and always.
but i think someone told my prince that my hairs always frizzy i can't keep my temper and my glasses are always crooked. someone let it slip that i try to pretend i don't give a flying fuck about what people think when it dictates everything i do. every day i try my hardest and then when my grades come they just show my lack of focus on homework and such and i know i can do better and it just kills me.
i think I'm going to really make these exams count study like hell and do my best and then next year, no more fooling around I'm going to get honer roil every quarter and I'm not going to worry about the swirling vortex of evil thats edging ever closer. I'm going to reach that far off goal of complete independence and forgetting conformity. but i won' fall into drugs and sex to pull me through no way I'm going to be different I'm going to be a good girl who's not afraid to punch somebody who's messing with her and I'm going to love it. oh well i'm off to the barn peace out peoples -Shimby 
