  music is such a part of my life. i am the youngest of six children. the nearest sibiling in age is seven years older than myself and the oldest is at least 15 years my senior. my older brothers like the rock of the 80s, ozzfest type of music. my sisters were the pop, madonna & duran duran type music. myself i am a child of the grunge era.
only until i went to college i could fully except that i did like the metal band music as well as all the pop without shame as well as oldies, r&b, rap, techno, disco/funk, its all good...well with the exception of country, although i do like that dixie chicks cover of fleetwood mac (or billy corgan). when i was upset during my angst teenage years i would cope by retreating into my room with the lock securely in place, surrounded by my dark grey walls. i would place my stereo on the floor and play music extremely loud with my body pressed against the wooden floor, only to fall alseep for hours at a time. i went to a sucky college. duh. looking back (with much regret) i hate to admit i would have ended up at a preppy school anyways.
if it was williams it most likely would have either been yale or brown. i can complain forever of how much hate i have for that place, believe me, there will be a blog for that. anyways, people there are so bland. people that are insanely intelligent but they have no sense of self. they are not interesting at all, with no taste. i had to be different.
i had the bleeched dyed hair blue, then green, and finally red. i like dark clothing. i had the music raging loud from everyone one of my dorm rooms. people were scared of me, i guess i give that impression sometimes. music was always there for me. it was bad enough one of my valid reason for staying in socal for school was just so i could continue to wake up to kevin and bean and listen to kroq music all day.
instead i ventured into the purple hills of western massachusetts only to find myself alone. it totally sucked! only sanity was the these preppies were serious alcoholics. to think i had to go to that place to have my first ever drink and cig. kenki, thankfully, would send me cds and i was always downloading music to keep my "sanity. " every night i went to sleep with loud music because i couldn't deal with the quietness.
i was so upset at the school, people just really pissed me off. i loved to blare the offspring and scream lyrics that could be heard throughout the house. for two years i played deftones at least 5 days out of the week at least two times before i finally fell asleep. other days it would be metallica, a perfect circle, my own mix of coldplay, linkin park, papa roach, or disturbed. there are certain songs that i love or remind me of my childhood like dee-lite, grooves in the heart (? ) this reminds me of 6th grade, etc.
there are also songs that just really make me sad, like the police, (stalker song). then there are those songs that have both good and bad associations. i have good times listening to metallica and seeing them live, they always will remind me of my brothers but there have been really band times in my life where i sought comfort or in times of real anger while listening to their songs. their songs don't make me angry, if anything, they make me sad, but i associate a lot of moments in my life with music. if i could have people follow me with theme music everywhere in order to express what i am feeling that would be cool, although sadly strange. did you ever watch, "i'm gonna get you sucka?
" lol. if you've ever seen it you will know what i am typing out. theme music. for one thing i never look at people. i swear. i don't notice what people are wearing or can recall people i've known forever their look.
when i get a hold of a cd and love it. i am always surprised when i finally get to see what they look like. imagine my surprise when i fell in love with the violent femmes. my friend, mozzy, had loaned me her tape, yes i did say tape. i played that out. then i took it and had to get her another one.
i didn't know anything about them beyond their music that i was quite frankly, surprised. not until last year i finally go to see them live. i love them! basically music is important to me. if i had to answer whether i would prefer to be deaf or blind, i would pick blind. i hate looking at people anyways. 
