  Hmmmm. I'll try to re-capture my fleeting thoughts. Am I afraid of being alone? No. Not to get philosphical, but ultimately, each of us is alone. I think we're all trying to find someone to share our life experience with. So while I'm not afraid to be alone, I would prefer to be sharing my life with someone beyond just myself.
We each came to meet one another most likely not at our ideal time. I was originally focused on my situation and my history and my baggage (for lack of a better word), which I guess is natural, because I see the world from my viewpoint, primarily. But my main concern, was whether or not I was ready and whether or not I was good enough for you and a relationship with you.&nbsp; I mean of course I'm always judging what's going on around me, seeing how it fits into my world. But I didn't originally think about whether or not you were ready for a relationship, or your situation and history, or your baggage.&nbsp; More of that stuff has come out -- how he wounded you, and how you're coping with your past (relationships, childhood, parents, friendships) -- all the things that you're dealing with, and likewise, you're trying to see how I fit into your world. The key is for each of us to be completely honest with ourselves and with each other about everything we're feeling. And that's rarely easy to do. You were right when you said that I married young -- I definitely rushed into it -- and constantly regretted it.
I'm going to be more careful this time around. That means a longer dating period. The key for me is to look beyond my infatuation to determine whether or not we'll be good, long term, as mates. Laima was my first, real, long term relationship. I was infatuated and I rushed into marriage.
Actually, I was just excited that I found someone who was actually interested in me.&nbsp; So while I'm looking beyond the infatuation, I'm also working at not losing sight of, or failing to experience those very infatuation-related feelings (because they feel great! ) I've really enjoyed our dating so far. I feel really comfortable with you and I feel like you're looking out for my best interests. I feel free. I mean we went away together for the weekend and had a great time. I was sick on Saturday and you were still accepting of me.
I don't recall having those feelings with L, or particularly enjoying our dating back then. There is some small part of me that is afraid of getting betrayed again -- of putting too much trust into another individual. But that's all about me, and nothing about you. What I mean by that is that there is nothing you can say or do that will help me with these feelings, and it has nothing to do with who you are or what you've done in your past.
It's more of an issue that I need to work on. At some point we'll stop seeing the world so much from our individual perspectives and we'll start seeing the world from our couple perspective. As a team we'll tackle problems together, we'll experience life together, we'll share our individual experiences with each other, we'll grow together. Well, I think I've rambled on enough, and gone in enough different directions. 
