  The biblical metaphor of alien is an increasingly real part of my experience. One of my dominant feelings right now is that of being "out of place. " I feel like a foreigner and an outsider. The fact is there are few places in which I feel at home. It becomes an ever apparent reality that I am not "of this world. " Please don't misunderstand. I don't say this arrogantly or self-righteously. It is not that I am withdrawing from the world. It is not that I don't have an intense love for the world. It is only that as my desire for the Kingdom of God increases, I find myself more at odds with this world.
It is only that as I seek to follow Jesus more closely, his promise that it would mean conflict with the world becomes more inevitable. I find myself an alien in this kingdom because I have grown to love and cling to my citizenship in another. When Jesus says we must take up our cross to follow him, I do not believe he was telling us that we were going to have a tough life, in that we will naturally encounter difficult things in our life like Cancer. I don't even believe that Jesus was commanding us to live a life of self denial and service, so that to take up our cross would be analogous to giving up cookies or giving up getting our way. What Jesus was saying was "If you choose to follow me, the powers are going to crucify you. " In other words, to follow Jesus means the world will reject you.
This is the only way it can be understood in my mind. The cross was a symbol of intimidation. It was reserved for those who did not comply. It was for those who presented a challenge to the kingdom. Jesus' crucifixion, while theologically we say was for the sins of the world, historically was because his obedience to and proclamation of the Kingdom of God put him in direct conflict with the powers of this world.
As Jesus calls us to follow him more closely, it means that we too will find ourselves at odds with this world. I am experiencing this conflict at all kinds of levels. For example, living in an election year and during a time of war, there has arisen many strong opinions and many vigorous debates. The tension between the right and left in this country is so intense right now that one begins to have real questions about our future survival. Many think that being a Christian means that I am a de facto Republican. However, being a Christian, I don't feel at home with the Republicans. Neither do I with the Democrats. Both present to me means and ends that I cannot embrace as one who seeks first the Kingdom of God. In all of this I have lost my sense of patriotism in that I don't feel at home as an American either. Contrary to the patriot, I cannot embrace the US as the light of the world. I cannot embrace "the freedom to do what you want" as a legitimate human freedom. I cannot pledge allegiance to the flag when my allegiance is to be for the Lord alone. I don't feel at home at work.
Currently, I work in an environment that is driven my mammon. Revenue is the end and people will attain it by any means. One rep was telling me "it is all about the cash" as he offered me a deal that would require me to bend the rules. I declined stating, "If I don't have my integrity, what do I have? " His reply, "Money. " Unfortunately, in the one place I should feel at home, often times I don't.
I don't feel at home outside the church, but a good share of the time neither do I in the church. So often the mentalities that I encounter within the church are no different than those outside. Whether it is a Christianity that is more American than Christian, materialism, or whatever; the church doesn't always feel like home. I love the church and will not abandon her because I know that this is because the church is "under construction.
" It reminds me that while we taste many of its fruits now, we hope in a still coming kingdom. And so I yearn as a foreigner, and pray: Our Father who is in Heaven, Let your name be treated as holy. Let your kingdom come. Let your will be done as in heaven also on earth. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. And don't lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen 
