  oh yes finally i've managed to get back on here!! we the past few days, hmm sounds familiar... well saturday, jakes partay.
pretty lame, i wanted to get drunk, but they drank all of the nice stuff so i ended up drinking half a can of carling, not nice. jake ordered me to put ice cubes in the freezer at half one in the morning. him and his mates wouldn't listen to the simple fact that the ice cubes would not have frozen until about seven that morning.
that was the final straw, so i made a loada toast, a cup of tea and pinched some bicuits and had my self a feast in my room. i also half watched this film about spinal tap! how funny was that! they had amps that went up to 11, it was funny. then as i was about to get to sleep, they all came up with sticks and started to poke me, then one of them clambered onto my bed and proceded to lay on top of me. the next day they were all gone by 11 so we had the rest of the day to rest. dave (my step da) met kim and black form the pixies!! he ses at V we are gonna have to try get back stage and meet them again. today food exam, what a joke, i really couldn't care less about that exam!
oh well over and done with now, hey, i only threw away about 40 marks. then afater that, burning stuff on the howdale, walking around, walking around some more. me an becca took ging to the train station, then after that we went to the river bank alone. we only stayed a few minutes. now we have been going out for four months now, brilliant, but we hardly get any time alone. today was nice because we did, i liked it. also i like to be alone then its just me an her, and on this river bank it was. we sat down together, now i wanted to kiss her, there and then. but i find it real real hard to do so even though she is my girlfriend. the only times ive ever kissed her before is when weve been drunk, that annoys me, and i'm am so afraid that she will just push me away.
something that has scared me is that a week or so ago i dreamt that i went to kiss her and she pushed me away and walked off leaving me alone. that has got to be one of the scariest dreams ive ever had, not just cos she is my girlfriend, but because i feel it could happen, and it scares me that i think that... i really wanna be able to kiss her more, its hard for me to make the move, because a while back she went was all like 'don't touch me' i know why now, but that was scary.
and when we've been out before she has ran off away from me to go hug other people and practically ignore me. this is one of the harshest things ever, at our prom she would even dance with me, man that, ouch.
well anyway i sat down next to her wanting a good kiss, whilst she looked the other way from me and fiddled with grass, this was difficult because a) she was facing the other way and that isn't easy to for a kiss and b) i felt blocked out. well anyway nothing happened and we moved on i told her that i had wanted to kiss her, i had very little reply... we then moved up to the howdale so we could be ready for the buses. again we went and sat down alone. this time i eventually managed to sum up the courage to go for it, and yes, i did it and wahts more she responded.
excellent. it was only like a small peck but damn it was good! just the fact that we were sober, and she kissed back made it. ahhhhh!!! after it i said 'finally' what a plonker! of course i was refering to me actually being able to do it. ok i do have more to say but i mst be orf to bed as i have exams tomorrow. pot, saturday and image, just to remind myself what to write next nite all!
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