  its 12:36 and i'm wide awake. i'm getting sick again. bad sign. i don't know whats happening to me but its not normal to get sick almost every month. i don't know. i slept for 4 hours in the afternoon because of it and have not studied the whole day except going for Amath.
I guess i shall try to pull through studying tomorrow along with feeling sick. have been reading friendster testimonials. don't know why. i'm so fascinated by those. maybe i crave for something more? to know another side of life that i've never experienced?
somewhere that holds something so much more? i don't know. but to be contented. is a state of mind to be grasped. i don't know how am i gonna be selfmotivated to study. I can't get to what Mrs Low's describe as a 10hour a day study plan.
I know I have not reached the momentum I have wanted. Everytime i seem to be scaling up that curve..i get sick and everything drops down again. I h ave never escalated to the limit and stayed there yet. It's a scary feeling. But I rely on God's strength and not mine. I pray He will lift me up.
God really leads me to realise so many things that I would have never done so. Thank You Lord so much. I really don't know what am I gonna do without You. Remember Last year..I think if you weren't there with me, I'd probably have committed suicide. No its not an exaggaration. At one point of time, I felt so hopeless and I felt so deep into the problem that I did not rely on God and wanted to just end my life.
What a silly thought thinking back. Thank You Lord that You are always there. Watching over me. Sorry if i don't make any sense and are drifting in and out of topics. My brain is in stagnant mode. REally painful.
I can't think. 
