  Yea, so okay..Wow. I cant believe I thought Andrew was the perfect guy bc he TOTALLY wasn't. I was really stupid, and feel like a total dumbass for thinking so. Honestly, that night at johns house when everything went horribly HORRIBLY wrong, I really do think he made erne do that stuff to him, and had sex with me when I didn't want to at all. It hurt really bad. I know that much. But, that is something I want to forget DEFINITELY! So anyway...Since then dad got this bright idea I need like therapy. I have problems with drugs: NO I have problems with drinking: NO I have problems with sex: NO. I can say to all of those things, which I have on several occasions and will continue to do so as the times arise. he told Julie (the therapist) that I have problems with all of these, and just from her seeing me a total of 3 times, she thinks he's the crazy one, which I can see, and she can see that I am just a normal teenager.
Something that she said today really struck me though: she said that Fred has no faith in me. ( or at least, that was what she was hearing from me) and its like a little light went off in my head, trumpets roared, drums were beat...That that's it! OMG, in a nutshell, Fred has no faith in me to do anything right, to do anything good, to do anything with me life. But see, this is nothing new, this has been my whole life. The man has never said, " good job sagan, I knew you could do it!
" EVER. You know, the more I find out about him, and the more I find out about myself, I really start to hate him more and more. Like no joke...I really strongly dislike in my heart. And I mean, yea I feel about it, he's my father..My own flesh and blood, I wouldn't be on this earth if it wasn't for him..But I just have nothing in common with him, and I try so hard to please him, I do really..But its just never good enough. ugh..I don't know, I mean I honestly just don't know anymore about him. Okay, on to a new subject..One that I want to talk about and think about..SHAWN ADAMS. yea, so totally my new husband to be. Okay let me just list a few things I LOVE about him: he's HOT, he's Italian, his mom likes me a lot ( according to him), he's RICH AS HELL!, he wants to be with me soooo bad, he's CRAZY HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ME, he wants to take care of me, and do all this great stuff for me, he's sweet, he treats me like a queen, and calls me his queen!
OMG...WHAT MORE COULD I FREAKIN ASK FOR?? My mom likes him too which is a big plus because you know my mom usually hates like every guy I ever date.
Especially Andrew, but that's okay..She had a DAMN GOOD right to hate his ass. But see the only thing is, he sounds great, everything is great with him, but its just too good to be true ya know..It just is. Something is gunna screw up soon, I know for sure. My dad will stick his big fat nose into it and freak the poor boy out or something, I just know it. I don't know...But I feel that maybe he's lying to me, he's a pathological liar..I don't know yet. Ill keep you updated, but for right now, everythings great. 
