  i no longer have a cell phone. it's been exactly 16.5 hours and i can barely function. but, discussing our culture's dependency on digital technology is not the point of this blog. please. what do you take me for? an intellectual?
hardly. i'm a cantankerous old fool. and i'm about to get grouchy with it-- why don't i have a cell phone? let me explain. see, when i moved to new york from atlanta, i thought it was too much of a hassle to bother with changing my number. until about 2 weeks ago when jason casually asks me how much i pay for my cell service.
when i admitted it was a whopping $80, he was dumbfounded and told me that as soon as my contract runs out, i should switch to a more reasonable company. turns out, my out-of-state number was racking up some serious fees and surcharges. thanks for nothing, sprint! contract. you raise an interesting point, john... turns out, my contract expired 2 years ago. i was in the clear!
so, being the genius that i am, i decided to not waste any time and cancel my sprint service immediately. why the hell not, right? in my haste, i failed to set up replacement service for when sprint was over. instead, i thought-- it'll take two seconds. i just walk into the verizon office, put down my cash and walk out with a new phone and plan. oh, i'm so naive.
on friday i went to the verizon store to enact my brilliant plan. i picked out the cutest phone in the store, filled out the requisite 9000 forms, and braced myself for my brand-spanking-new '917' phone number. sadly, it wasn't two seconds after the verizon guy took my forms and entered them into his computer that he went from jolly sales guy to disapproving sales guy. he gave me his gravest face and said,, "due to your lack of credit, you'll have to put down a $1,000 deposit to get a phone today. " i responded the way any rational person would in that situation. i said, "say what, sucka?!
", grabbed my forms back, and ran out of that store. so endeth my sad tale. and, with it, my days of easy accessibility. not having a cell phone is kind of like being in olden times. maybe i'll start writing letters. or, you know, get my mama to open an account for me. 
