  This is going to offend so many people...I'm sorta sorry :-) From the Onion, forwarded by my brother: The Onion: What is funny?
Louis C.K. : Sometimes I ask myself questions. Other times I ask myself boxes of Kleenex. I'm sorry. Was that too stupid? Maybe it wasn't stupid enough. All right, enough of the formalities. Let's get to the question at hand.
What is funny?
Well, you asked the right douchebag. I know exactly what funny is. Funny is when a fat lady walks around while someone plays the tuba.
Once you've seen that, you'll never laugh at anything else. Except maybe a skeleton dancing around while someone plays the xylophone, which is almost exactly the opposite of a fat lady walking around while someone plays the tuba. Well, a skeleton is the opposite of a fat lady. But is a xylophone the opposite of a tuba? History will decide.
My father used to say "Nothing is funny unless I say it is. " Then he would hit me really hard with his car, and he would laugh at me as I lay there dying. So I guess that was funny, because it made him laugh. I guess the real question is what is funny to me. Well, that's easy. Jesus is funny to me. Why? Because He died for my sins and He didn't even know me. Man, what a retard. 
