  Admittedly, it pays to be a private person. But then again, I wonder if being a private blabbermouth is ok too. You see, I am married. Or at least legally, but nothing else. What is wrong with me? I finally confronted my husband about getting an annulment.
It makes me feel as confused as Britney Spears. One thing is for sure--I don't know if I can ever get married again after this. He said that he loved me, but he would not get in the way of ending the marriage if that's what I wanted to do. When I have really begged him to be there, he was there. Now, he is not even within a phone call's reach. I haven't seen my husband in two weeks.
Never even met his parents, or his sister. I am married at 27 and it has sucked beyond my wildest bad dreams. I didn't want to marry my father, the guy who first educated me about how easy it is to be abandoned, but LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!! I had a feeling this would happen when I got married, yet I went through it anyway, primarily because I really needed someone to just be there for me. I can't begin tell you how bad it was last year. I was depressed, and he honestly made me feel better about myself and about life.
He was my way out of the crap I found myself in. And I will always owe a large part of being alive today to him. Unfortunately, he's now part of the problem. And I can't wave a wand to simply make it go away. I really don't see myself getting married again, and sort of pessimistically, I may just end up only dreaming about the kind of life I wanted to have: kids by age 30, financially stable, in a loving relationship with a man that actually KNOWS me from the deepest part of my soul. Isn't this what every woman wants?
What J-Lo was singing about in that Gigli song? (Ugh, I guess that's the fate of true love right there...) So there it is: I am starting to question whether I can really ever love a man at all. Will I totally turn my back on marriage altogether like Halle Berry? Will I desperately try to make it work with my husband? Will I continue to go to therapy to work all this crap out? Well, at least the last one will happen.
The other 2--the red bottle, the blue bottle--will be determined soon. Or at least when the question "what the hell was I thinking? " gets answered. 
