  mmm i was up till four in the morning last night and fuck am i shanked to hell. everybody came over and watched the texas chainsaw massacre. i heard that it was based on a true event, and im watching this, and im like, no fucking way...only the "police footage" made me wonder.
so i looked it up afterwards and i was right, it is bullshit. there was no massacre with 5 teenagers and a crazy guy with a chainsaw. however, the habits and the character of the villian were loosely based on a real guy though, ed gein (sp? ) and he was creepy as fuck. liked to dig up dead woman and put thier genetalia in female gich and wear it around all day. Made a nipple belt, a vest of human skin, he cut their faces out and would wear them as masks, etc.
the real stories very disturbing. then brandon stayed around and we talked and played an amazing hentai game till 4 30. We always have the best conversations. sometimes i feel like he knows me better than anyone, even derek, but that could also be coming from the shit we've being going through lately. we talked about things and it was good. we are joined somehow by an unseen bond... i don't quite know how to describe other than his essence is known to me and appreciated. he loves me still. i remember 2 years ago, or was it three? and brandon and derek both told me they loved me. that was when i was still an icequeen. i told them they had to be mistaken, it was only lust, only lust... no one could love me anyhow. ah god i cared about them so much, i care for them even more now. the memory tears me up inside.
makes me want to scream and do wild things. i wish i could make two of me. one for brandon and one for derek if it makes them happy. i love them both, but different loves. different confusions. i hate the world sometimes. how i am causing the ones i care about the most pain. i can still taste the bitter irony. 
