  Today I went to the dentist. I hate the dentist with a passion. They are always so mean to me! Anyway it was an average visit. I sat in the chair clutching the arms with a white knuckle grip. They poked and prodded with their sharp tools, asking me questions I can't possibly answer with their hand down my throat. And of course spearing my gums with their hooks and daggers offering, "let me know if something hurts, and I will try to be more gentle! " This followed by an over animated and equally hoaky wink. Of course this is just one of their games.
If you admit it hurts they add a little "*" to your chart to warn everyone you are a baby, and giggle about you as they eat their lunches. Of course they have to find something to criticize you on. If you are like me, no cavities, minimal plaque, and nice pretty gums they have little to complain about. Usually they throw out the old "brush more often, floss more frequently, and quit drinking soda" diagnosis they have been giving me for years. Apparently if I don't do this my teeth will rot right out of my head. I have been hearing this since I was 15. And of course they try and sell you an electric tooth brush and say that will fix all my problems, I wonder if It might even fix that rash... So, the only logical explanation for them pushing me to brush and floss more, and give up soda for that matter, is a conspiracy.
We all know dentists are up to something. Why do you think they wear those masks? It's to hide the fact they are beside themselves with silent giggles and smiles that they are hoodwinking us all into buying more toothpaste and floss. This as they pat the check in their pocket from Crest that they receive to trick us into buying their nasty toothpaste and dental accessories.
Then, what about the soda? Why do they want us to give up soda? Our sweet little addiction? What did it do to them? Well that's simple, they are jealous. They obviously all had freakish parents who made them eat pop cycles with a fork and knife and never drink soda. Hence why they are dentists, they take their frustrated childhood experiences and drive the public to fear the love they never dared have, good old soda pop. Corn 
