  i don't think zoloft actually works for me, i've been spending $20/mo on it and i think my meetings with marcia are bullshit except that it's actually nice to talk to someone who listens, even if she's paid.
the medicine is more for a placebo effect and an imposition of moderation in my life. one good thing about it (aside from getting drunk entirely too quickly, which is more a bad thing) is my decreased libido. libido and sexuality has been such an integral part of who i am and how i interact with people, and now that it's decreased (which, still fluctuates; i've regained my ability to orgasm although it can still be frustrating) i feel like things are much simpler.
regarding what chris wrote about me, i do fear that i'll never be able to have a completely honest relationship (similar to mai-lan style) but as long as i don't act on those feelings, i should be okay. repression was always the end of me... re: mailan, i hope she's happy whatever she's doing. it's easy to poke fun of her, but i see bits of myself in the way she was. my limmerick about her: there once was a girl named mailan who loved each and every man she so wanted a pal and once there was hal away to st. louis she ran ps. i too seem to love each and every man, at least at some point. 
