  I've had about as much as I can actually take. I'd give myself a few more days in this house and then I'll snap. As for my previous entry (scared about going back to the old me) I think we're past that now! That isn't an issue anymore, because it's already happened. Yes...welcome back the bitch... The other night, my mum said she was gonna go and pick me up some cigarettes from the shop. She was going out with my stepdad, my sister and my grandad you see...and she said she would fetch me some fags before she went. So my stepdad, my sister and her got in the car...and I waited, waited and WAITED my fucking ASS off and she never came back!
Whn I finally realised that she wasn't gonna return with some fags, I started to get very edgy. I dipped into the bottle of vodka that nobody knows about that's hidden in my bedroom and had a bit too much. I knew that Kirsty had been dropped off at my nanna's, so I dialed the number and waited for an answer; Nanna: Hello? Me: Hello...is me mum there? Nanna: Is that Leanne? Me: Yer Nanna: No she's gone out I think, why what do you want her for? Me: What do you mean "you think"? she's either gone out or she hasn't Nanna: What do you want her for? Me: Is Kirsty there? Nanna: Yer Me: Can you put her on the fone please?! Nanna: Hang on! Kirsty: Hello? Me: Has mum gone out? Kirsty: Yeah... Me: {hangs up} After hanging up, I threw the phone across the room, smashing it to pieces.
I then smashed up the entire house, including my bedroom. I started to trash the living room and came across a picture of my father that my mum had hidden in the drawer. When I'm in that state, the last face I want to see is my father's. This made me angrier, I started to scream my head off. I started screaming some shit about "How the fuck am I meant to deal with this shit alone..." I don't really remember, but it was just some random shit. I picked up the remote control and threw it against the wall, shattering it. I smashed everything that was in my way. After smashing something made of glass, I saw sharp glittering pieces of broken glass. I picked a piece up and tried to hack at my arms with it. About 30 seconds later, the phone rang. It was my nanna. She heard me crying and could tell that I was a little drunk.
She talked to me for a while &amp; convinced me to chew some nicorette gum to calm me down (because she was convinced that my motive for smashing up the house was my craving for a fag, when in fact it was the thought that my mother had once again let me down). She also convinced me to clean up the house before my mother came home to save me from about a week of bullshit from her. I cannot usually be talked to when I'm in that mood. I'm either getting better or I'm about to get worse. Either way, I have nobody. I'm use to it. I'll make it alone... 
