  hi, i'm jaykie. my friends call me jaykie. i prefer to be called jaykie. you can call me jaykie. remember that name; a few years from now, millions of children will have that name bestowed upon them by their parents in hopes that they might become even half as successful as i am (or will be... here's to crossed fingers! )-- iron chef, video game character, lawyer and supreme evil dictator of the whole entire world. ok, maybe part-time astronaut... oh, and i could write screenplays! you know, i have this friend who has this totally cute love story! i swear, it is like soooo adorable! paniguradong patok sa takilya! wish ko lang makuha ko yung rights doon sa story niya... err, i'm sorry, where was i? right right, my name. jaykie, when translated from its native my-parents-must-have-been-severely-disoriented-when-i-was-born tongue means "fat ugly sociopathic retard whose negative qualities are in a state of perpetual degradation.
" thanks to this name, i will never, ever be taken seriously in the business world (i figure attorney jaykie [last name] will always be accompanied by the sound of muffled giggles). but dammit, it isn't the cards you're dealt, it's how ya play 'em. so, i went and did what any self-respecting male with a less-than-respectful-sounding name would do-- plan my schemes of world domination.
history has shown us that names have no bearing on the path towards taking over the world (i mean, c'mon, adolf? the hell is that?! ), thus i am in prime condition to take the said position... and if i trust my intuition in leading to these visions i don't need yo damn permission to put up this exhibition! shizzle dizzle! uhm, let's move on... perhaps the biggest hindrance to this would-be goal, however, would be my innate ability to excel in mathematics. you see, my father was always inhumanly good at math, an ability that was passed on to me. yes, dear reader, you heard right-- i'm a walkin' friggin' calculator.
the problem is, i'm GOOD at math AND other things too, so i'm afraid i might not be GREAT at anything. what if it turns out i am destined to live a life of complete balance in all aspects, not excelling in a single one? how then can i possibly be destined for greatness when my path is clearly marked as one destined for overall goodness? dammit! why do i have to be so frickin' perfect??!? WHY WHY WHY???!??!!! no matter... i will survive this.
i have cheated the cosmic order before; once more should not be difficult. watch out people! practice grovelling now while it's still legal! fear me and remember-- EVIL THY NAME IS JAYKIE!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! completely wrong thought of the day: a: dude, my close-up "icylicious blue" is like icy and blue and all so it's like... cool... b: dude, my close-up "lemon mint" is like, it has lemons and stuff and it's all... a: lemony? b: no dude! it's like it has lemons and mint and stuff so it's like... sweet... me: dude my close-up "these writers are no talent hacks" is like, so five years ago, and like, it's a total rip-off of dude where's my car which was kinda funny but is like sooo old and sooo not rip-off worthy and like i could've thought of a better ad in my sleep and like you two are like so totally annoying and like i wanna rip out your vocal chords but like the writers are all like... retarded... 
