  "Hean, fancy coming out? " - text received 7.19pm. Phone Conversation 7.20pm "Yeah where are ya? " "In the 'ogs" "Who's out? " "Just me. " "Er, aye go on then!
" Phone conversation ended - 7.21pm Its as simple as that. Pete took us down there and met up with the big guy who had already sank eight or nine pints and was shaky to say the least - he was already singing songs at the top of his voice, so it was up to me to play a bit of catch up. Downed a couple of pints Stella as Keith and myself sent about £45 into the fruity and won back about £41. It's the only one I've known keep you playing so much. Plus one of the buttons was stuck so we acquired a knife and set it free and I am now the proud owner of a Hold Lo button!! Got Keith a pint of water to calm him down a bit.
It seemed to work before the arrival of Big Brother - The Final on the plasma screens. Who's first go? Shell!! Woooh! Straight onto the phone lines to vote for the Honest Scotsman Jay. Onto HSBC Bank for Keith to get some hardearned cash out and then down to Yates.
Empty. Took about 15 minutes to get served so I had a go at this pleb behind the bar - greasy haired student scum. Get a wash! Anyway finally got served by the gayest barman ever. Got two Reefs - is it non-alcoholic orange juice or what? - it sailed down the throat.
KG meanwhile played some more fruity. On to Lloyds Super Resolution Hyper Screen Pixelation Bar - wow I have never seen it as empty as this. Unbelievable. Pint of Vodka Red Bull in here - PVRB (a K&H Trademark) - Keith still managing to keep up and showing no signs of flagging. Eviciton number two - who's third? Dan!!!
- Super cool eviction. Classic bust up with a homeless guy - who was wearing an Inter Milan shirt - "Ere mate, how come you've got a inter shirt on - £40 that ya daft c...." "Mumble...mubblle" "Eh?! Speak up eh! " Its not big and its not clever but its damned amusing especially when Keith proclaimed: - "I'm gonna boot him in the face! " We marched up the road, well stumbled anyway. Paid homage to the 'ogs with the sign of the cross and onto Walkabout where the lunacy began - it was a mega BB night in Walkabout!
Gets in there - it was rocking, some mega tunes band was about to start, plenty of women and then the Big Brother Tickets competition. Two tickets to the aftershow party next week in the BB House! Huzzah. Up steps a very drunk Mr Groves and four other misfits from the energetic crowd - this was going to be a popularity contest based on numbers of cheers. Keith first. "What's your name?
" "Keith..........from Eston. YEAH!!! " A few coughs from the crowd. I gave a hearty cheer. "What will you do on camera at the BB Aftershow Party? " I was literally screaming and making the actions "Scuttle Davina - come from behind!!
" - a surefire line (stolen from Chubby Brown) to win tickets and please the audience. What was Keith's reply? "I'd get me big fat belly out! " I nearly left the place - bang goes my ticket to stardom. It wasn't going to be difficult to beat. Up next some bird from Redcar who was asked the very same question.
"Er, I'd get pissed. " Riiiiight? Well of course you would pet, it's a bleeding aftershow party. I tell you, some people eh? Keith was leading the pack in terms of popularity. Come on Groves - were going to the BB House!
Up next another duffer from Boro. Same Question. "I dunno really" Jesus Christ, the worst answer ever - KG is going to be rapping with Victor come next week! The next one was some fit bird with delightfully ample breasts. She had massive tits basically. I could see it coming a mile off and quite frankly I think we have a case for artisitc infringement.
Her reply, "I'd get me tits out!! " in the best Boro scally accent you've ever heard. Now this obviously got a huge roar! And last but not least some seriously ugly weird bloke who replied, "I'd have a threesome with Dan and Nadia. " Ouch - stunned silence from the audience. The DJ then gave it his best "Who should go to the BB House?
Do you think it should be him (threesome weirdo)? " "BOOOO!!! " "Do you think it should be her (tits woman)? " "YEAHHHH!!! " So the lovely lady won it. And KG got a t-shirt with BB on as a consolation which was nice.
Anyhow we danced the night away - Groves got stuck into a minger, I talked the talk with the lovely lady who'd won the tickets and the band who were setting up. Managed to win a BB Shirt of my own just for cheering the DJ for putting a good song on! On it went - a tad tight I have to say. Anyhow the band hit us with some classic tunes, Day Tripper is the only one I can really remember, they weren't on very long either to be honest. Groves disappeared and, checking my phone this morning, I'd sent him 9 texts all asking where he was, get back in here and where are you? Got some seriously weird replies so I couldn't tell where he had gotten to.
Anyway time for home, can't stand being alone in a nightclub so into a taxi I got. being a complete tightwad I decided that breaking into a note wouldn't be a good idea so I challenged the driver to see how far he could get for a fiver. He then proceeded to turn the turbo on the meter but managed to get to Normanby - a good 20 minute walk from my house. Oh man, guess I'm walking the rest! So I rang Keith to see if he was home and if he would pick me up. "Yeah course I will Hean!".
Obviously as a wind up because we don't condone drink driving here at the Wallet. and every twenty yards I would ring him back up. "Where are ya?! " "I'm coming down Normanby Road now! Be five mins, don't move!!". Guess you had to be there!!
Is that it Keith, can't think of much more? Thought it was a top night out once it got going - can't wait for next Saturday. 
