  There are nights when you just want to get out and have a good time. nbsp;  Last night was definately one of those nights,  but it left me filled with regret this morning. nbsp;  My actions are most definately affected by the company I keep,
 especially on nights like the one that just passed.
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 Usually I do not cave under peer pressure,  but in some cases,  where my mind is elsewhere,  my body has no guidance,  and seems to follow anything that may look like the right direction.
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 These days I find myself unsure of how I ended up this way.
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 I don't quite fit in anywhere.
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 I don't understand why it's wrong to have all types of friends,  and I'm not quite sure why it is that my " all types of friends"  have dwindled to mere aquaintances at best.
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 I guess I've known all along that I am better at being independent than I am at relying on people for support.
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 I draw on completely irrelevent things for that anyway.  My self- proclaimed escapes are my support these days:
 that bench in the park;  the end of the boardwalk;  and yes,  sometimes even church.
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 I remember&
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feeling the most satisfied&
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on the days&
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where I took time&
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out for myself,  whether it was shared or not,  to just sit and be&
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happy in the moment.
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 Actually,  now that I think about it,  I am definately happiest being my nerdy self,
 going to museums and zoos and apple- picking.
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 Doing the things that are definately not seen as " cool"  by todays standard of cool.
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 Perhaps I have grown- up too fast for my own good,  but then again,  I never remember being much of the partying type&
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anyways ( except for those inexplicable moments of " party animal meets bad girl"  but,  hey,  everyone likes 'em a little frisky every now and again,  right?
