  indeed it is true,  curse the summertime,  argh,  Im dying its so hot,  the only relief I have is laying on the floor which appears to help and goes along withg that oh so helpful scinece thingy I leanrd a while a back in which heat rises,  annyway,
 so I am typing most of this from the floor and some of it with my eyes closed because Im so tired so Im sorry in advance in there are alot of typos = so then as they say. on to business,  lets see here,  what to say what to say,  ya klnow the pat few days have been just really weird,
 thats all there is to it,  it just seems like Im jacking up so much lately in everything I do I just dont get it,  the only thing I seem to excell in these days is Mario Kart. and thats not saying much,  lol,  no mattter how much I learn or grow to love other people I just cant seem to stop hateing myself,
 I just cant figure out why,  it seems like I just hate myself for everything and I feel responsible for everything bad that happens around me.  Even stuff I clearly had no part in I feel bad for and feel like I should punish myself for it. well,  sometimes at least,  depends on my mood really,
 Im just so scared is all,  Im scared for myself but moreso for my friend,  I fear for her very muchb everyday,  I think that might be why Ive been playing video games so much lately,  Im getting even more afraid of reality and if I will be able to face it.  the poor thing,
 its not her fault I just have a hard time reading her sometimes and it feels so much like she is always hiding her whole life from me,  if it werent for these blogs I might have no idea she was sad or confused or whatever at all,  is she scared of me,  is she just afraid too or is it just her nature to not talk about things like that or what?  I just dont know. I wish I could do more,
 I wish I were stronger,  the truth is. Im not,  maybe if deep inside I was stronger,  nicer,  more patient,
 I could help her more,  and help myself more,  I dunno,  all I really feel right now is that Im nothing compared to her,  I really just feel so weak and foolish and stupid even comparing myself ti her,  the wat her words flow,
 her selflessness,  the things that she does and says,  the way she writes,  the way she thinks,  the way she loves to stand in the rain,  the way she is so loving and nice and strong at the same time,
 oohhh God I could go on for days,  its all just so. I dont even know,  the only thing I know is I cant amount to it,  or at least thats how I feel.  But that doesnt bother me much really,
 I just cant stand to see her in pain,  I hate myself so much for not loving her as much as I could,  or should, she deserves all the love in the world,  and because of that alone it makes me want take away any pain or confusion she would ever have and put it into me. scary thing is,
 I think I actually mean that.  today has been a confusing day to say the least,  many mixed emotions and most of it I jsut tried to cover with endless AC and mario Kart,  but I know for a fact that in my heart whwn I dig past all that,  dig past all the video games,  and depression,
 and confusion. I love herm and I dont know how Ill feel tomorrow or the day after but I do know that at this moment,  I feel as though I would give my life for her,  just for her to be happy.  Im just so scared that shes going to drift from me for some reason,  or that Ill scare her away&
nbsp; or worst of all,  that I wont be good enough. I hope neither is true,  I think Ill take a day off of AC and Mario Kart tomorrow,  give my mind some clearance,
 get some of that junk out of there,  perhaps that will help.  * sigh*  shes so wonderful,  I hope somewhere in her heart she realizes that 
