  Written by a facilitator of a “ Coming Out”  Peer Support Group:  “ The mission of Out- Reach in Central IowA (
 ORICIA@ qwest. net )  is to improve the quality of life for gay and lesbian members of Central Iowa by providing support through social and educational functions thus presenting a positive homosexual image to all of the community.  My apologies to the fine reference materials sited below for the blatant theft of their ideas.  I had to establish a base line to start these communications.
 I hope you will accept my word that these sources are not from myself;  these are independent and verifiable third parties.  I do hope you will accept this data and possibly read from the entire document that I have cited as my source.  You are welcome to make,  tweak and adjust the terms,  as your life experience will permit.
 I do not have all the answers as to when and where coming out deals with all the complexities of your life.  At this stage I cannot preach to you about honesty or integrity.  I have not spent even a second in your shoes.  You might be young and still not sure if you are gay,  lesbian,  bisexual,
 transgender or if you are amongst the undisputed majority ( HETEROSEXUALS)  Will Mom and Dad,  other family and friends,  employers and employees still love and honor our presence?  If I had all the answers I would write a book and make a bundle of cash like the authors of other books:
 “ The Best Little Boy in the World”  published in 1973 by Andrew Tobias;  “ Coming Out Right:  A handbook for the gay male”
 published in 1982 written by Wes Muchmore and William Hanson;  “ The Unofficial Gay Manual:  Living the Lifestyle ( or at least appearing to)  published in 1994 written by Kevin Dilallo and Jack Krumholtz;
 And my favorite book on this subject is “ Coming Out:  An act of Love”  published in 1990 written by Rob Eichberg,  Ph. D.
 This book has a lasting effect in my life and thought process.  When I first accepted what I had become;  I mailed a copy of the following book to my parents:  “ Now That You Know:  What Every Parent Should Know about Homosexuality”
 published in May 1979,  Written by Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward.  I only started the “ self acceptance”  phase at around 25 years old.  It was not until I became a facilitator:
 In or around,  October 1993 that I began to read more books about the “ Coming Out Process”  and how my parents,  siblings and significant others would view my dealing with the process.  I assume most of you know what sexual orientation you are.
 I do not have the time,  natural resources nor tracking capabilities to monitor a young person and their hormonal changes.  It is like watching the tides come in and go out!  At one meeting I saw people that were self- described as straight!  A few months later we would hear of someone that finally saw merit in recognizing that we do indeed have bisexual’
s in this world and just maybe they were counted among that number.  A few more meetings and some time and reflection upon their part and they might accept the possibility that they could be “ gay or lesbian”  I never attempted to slap a label upon them and say;  “ okay,
 you are gay and you will act gay!  as that would be wrong.  I knew that they would have to come to the conclusion that they were whatever sexual orientation they decided they were.  At the earliest stages I thought I was very much alone in the coming out process.  I did not even recognize that it was a process.  I was in the woods of my life and lost!
 I was amazed to learn that by going to the local bookstore ( Borders)  and now with,  ( Barnes and Nobles)  that these booksellers had an entire section of their sales attributed to gay and lesbian studies!
 In the early years ( of my coming out process)  most booksellers did not carry much in the way of “ those”  kinds of studies and I was not going to be caught dead with one of “ those”
 books!  The dishonor I would feel because I even considered myself that “ sexual orientation”  and the dishonor it would bring to my family and small town Iowa community was more than I cared to consider.  I understand the concept of being on the “ down low”
 ( book plug:  Title:  On the Down Low:  A Journey Into the Lives of Straight Black Men Who Sleep With Men ISBN:  0767913981 Author:
 J.  L.  King Foreword by E.  Lynn Harris Format:  Hardcover /  April 2004)
 as I was very much like the author of this book.  I would accept myself as being non- human or different in my orientation emotions.  I hope you find some merit to these words.  You do not have to wear any label to be human.  We could get the Merriam-
Webster’ s Collegiate Dictionary’ s definition of that;  however,  they would ask for royalties.  I am pushing the envelope as we speak.
 Use whatever dictionary you find handy and have some meaning in your life.  I grew up with Merriam- Webster’ s Collegiate Dictionary so that is what I am most comfortable.  Eleven Editions do you think I can sit down and write just one?  My personal and professional thanks to the authors of these and many other fine books you might like to read at your leisure and comprehend as to what the “
Coming Out Process”  may or may not entail to you or anyone else that might come into contact with your life.  I wish to acknowledge the people that have put up with the multiple versions of this document and offered suggestions to clean it up and offer some wisdom,  natural resources and patience.  I am not as much an author as a pencil pusher.  Coming Out is not as easy as some people would have you believe.
 It is not a case of either you are or you aren’ t.  Each of us,  has say in whom we are and how we define ourselves.  Be patient with yourself;  Coming Out is hard work and it takes baby steps (
even for a thirty year old)  You have to work hard on your social skills and graces.  Some people take a great deal for granted in finding the right environment to work on these skills and graces.  Reference Material:  Definitions provided by various cited sources:  self-
esteem:  “ humans differ from animals because we are aware of something called the self.  This self,  or identity,  is really a way of thinking about who you are that is shaped by your life experiences,
 both positive and negative.  The Gay and Lesbian Self Esteem Book:  A guide to loving ourselves”  written by Kimeron N.  Hardin,  Ph.
D.  -  Chapter 1 Page 7 Self- analysis:  “  a systematic attempt by an individual to understand his or her own personality without the aid of another person.
 Merriam- Webster’ s Collegiate Dictionary Eleventh Edition –  Page 1126 “ Are you ready?  The gay man’
s guide to thriving at mid life.  Written by Rik Isensee - Chapter 1 Page 4:  Positive Aspects of mid- life:  v Perspective v Self-
Acceptance v Flexibility v Wisdom &  Reflection v Knowing what’ s important v Greater tolerance for ambiguity v Less vulnerability to grandiosity and self- deprecation v Humor and Healing The entire chapter of “ The condensed history of Gay Pride”  in “
It’ s not mean if its true:  More Trials from my queer life”  written by Michael Thomas Ford –  Page Chapter 4 Page 20 “ Self Acceptance:
 1 a :  oneself or itself b :  of oneself or itself c :  by oneself or itself 2 a :  to,  with,
 for,  or toward oneself or itself b :  of or in oneself or itself inherently c :  from or by means of oneself or itself ”  Merriam- Webster’
s Collegiate Dictionary Eleventh Edition –  Page 1126 
