  Matthew Humphrey ( my color guard instructor at the Smith Wallbridge Clinic)  told us that the best way to fool the audience is to make it seem like you know what you are doing when you screw up,
 mess up,  or just don't know what to do. nbsp;  That is what I have been doing with my life for the past three years. nbsp;  Whenever something went wrong i just played it off as if it never happened. nbsp;  Like when something went/ goes wrong between me and my parents I play it off. nbsp;  Yeah sometimes my parents are great. nbsp;  Yeah that is when they need me to do something or whatever but most of the time they tell me to shut up or that they don't care. nbsp;
 When my brother and sister were/ are mean to me I use to play as if it didn't hurt me but it tore me up.
nbsp;
 How do you grow up with a brother and sister hating you and not wanting you around ever.
nbsp;
 They you to tell me that I was a mistake and that my parents never wanted a third child.
nbsp;
 That is a lot to deal with when you are a teenager and having to live some of the best times of your life thinking your parents never wanted you.
nbsp;
 They use to tell me my mom tried to kill me when she was pregnant with me by continuing to take birth control.
nbsp;
 When I asked my mom about that she said she didn't know and it was an accident.
nbsp;
 But my mom and dad say I was a surprise and not an accident which is practically the same thing.
nbsp;
 Then when Grant ditched me,  I pretended like I knew what I was doing and just played it off and pretended I didn't care and I still pretend I don't.
nbsp;
 When Cade treated me like shit I made it seem as if it hurt me for a while but it really didn't because I had already moved on.
nbsp;
 Max hurt me but I sometimes played that as if I didn't care and now he tries to talk to me and I act like I don't want to talk to him but I really do.
nbsp;
Brett Penning, man when&
nbsp;
I talk about PEER PRESSURE&
nbsp; nbsp;
I am talking about him.
nbsp;
 He has tried to pressure me into almost everything.
nbsp; nbsp;
From drinking and&
nbsp;
smoking to touching&
nbsp;
his dick.
nbsp;
 I played that like nothing happened also.
nbsp; nbsp;
There is just one thing&
nbsp;
I&
nbsp;
am having trouble playing off.
nbsp;
 That is my feelings for this one person.
nbsp;
 I can't hide them and I can't try to get rid of them.
nbsp;
 They haunt me all the time.
nbsp;
 &
nbsp;
No matter how mad I get or how much I want to just forget about you I can't.
nbsp;
 I say I am through but I'm not.
nbsp;
 I don't know what it is about you that makes you so special but there is something.
nbsp;
 I know you don't feel the same way about me but I have tried and tried to not feel that way for you but I can't stop.
nbsp;
 I think it is the little things people say that makes me keep feeling things for you.
nbsp;
 Like Keith saying the we are into each other which I personally don't think is true.
nbsp;
 People say that our eyes tell the truth.
nbsp;
 What some crap.
nbsp;
 Well I don't really know what I am saying right now I am a little mad.
nbsp;
