  today,  is monday.  i almost cannot wake up.  haiz.  life.  dunno what is wrong with me.
 the first thing in school that i really notice is a couple in my lecture hall.  how i miss the days that i share with esther.  and lunch time.  they were buying food.  the girl was holding the guys arm.  after school,
 i see them at the bus stop,  hugging.  i feel so terrible.  so lost.  haiz.  i was on the bus when she called.
oh god.  i was so happy to receive her call. nbsp; i was close to home.  so i asked to call her back.  i rushed home to call her.
 i was telling her that i love her and how much i miss her.  her reaction?  to purr like a cat,  to sing.  and to talk about smth else.  smth changed.
 and i dunno what is it.  and it is tearing me apart.  i asked her to go cos she's meeting her friend.  she didn't sound happy when she hung up.  maybe i should have said smth like,  "
pls dun go.  i need you"  but do i need to say that?  she knows i love her.  she knows i need her.  she knows i cannot live without her.
 but if it makes her happy to hear that,  i will do it.  ten time,  hundred time.  i just need to be with her.  haiz.
 am i weak?
