  I'm probably not adding this right. Oh well, nothing else has been right today. &nbsp; Paul is home (thank God). Matthew and Sarah are in bed. I just fed Jamie. I was in tears (and still am, off and on) when I picked up Paul. I know he hates coming home to this kind of thing when he's had a long day at work. I mean, it's gotta be hell working with nekkid women all day huh? The demands on him. Poor guy:) But seriously, I know he has long hard days and I really hate the fact that he has to come home with me in tears.
I also hate the way I feel after hard days with Jamie. It always seems to be Jamie. I hate the way I feel because I feel like I am failing as a mother. I get sooooo mad at him and end up screaming at the child and I'm sure by the end of the day he's pretty sick of it too. I mean, it can't be fun staying in trouble all day. I love that little boy to death. I can not imagine my life without him.
He's my little buddy but when he has bad days, he has BAD&nbsp;days.&nbsp; Tonight while he was eating supper, I was sitting in the living room waiting for him to eat and he came over to me and laid his head down on me and said, "Don't you have any medicine in the kitchen for me? " THAT broke my heart. I tried to explain that the medicine isn't what makes him a good boy, that he has to learn to control himself as well. He&nbsp; knows that something is different but I don't want him to think the medicine is what 'makes him a good boy'.
He has to learn to take responsibility himself. But it's been so long since he's been that hyper and uncontrollable. All I keep coming back to though after we fight is how much I love him and don't want him to think otherwise. I would die if he thought I didn't.&nbsp; 
