  I don't believe this. I am just sitting here as memories flood through my head. My breath was completely knocked out of me. But why? That was then and this is now. It shouldn't do this, not anymore. But there is a difference that is also a similarity and that is I know the truth. I know the words suposedly unsaid and the thoughts that were sworn never to be thought. I can't help but get cold and shakey when it comes back to the surface. But there again it is my own fault. I created a distance for protection, but even I know that no distance could supress it forever.
No matter ho deep the ocean nor its width there is always a bridge that you can't destroy. They say that ignorance is bliss, but I found it tiring. Seeing as it was full of unrestful sleep and tear filled days. So which is worse? The knowing or the not knowing? Both are sharper than any blade created, and both do more damage than any physical weapon imagined. What filled my days then was wonderence and confusion and, of course, false hope. And what now? Complete humiliation, embarrasement, dibelief, and pain. There is such a painful price to pay for being untrusting and questionable. But deeper is the price we pay for trusting, loving, and being honest at heart. And I have learned this lesson well I fear.
Even with the pain of the deeper lesson, though, it was all worth it. Through all that which has killed me brought the one thing that has given me life. My angel, my prince, and the love of my life. So it arose again. So what! I won't let it destroy the future I am planning with my love. Then it never had to do anything to destroy me. And now it didn't have to do anything to knock the wind from inside me. But now it won't win! Now, for once, I have the final say. For my life and my love, bill you are all that matters. And on this note I go to bed. P.S. Nope I never did study. 
