  So it is 4 am and I can't sleep again. nbsp;  I don't know what the deal is,  I think it is stress over starting law school/ money/ my new apartment.
nbsp;  Even with all that is going on in Africa,  I haven't really been to concerned. nbsp;  Evan can take care of himself,  far better than I can take care of myself.
nbsp;  & nbsp;  There is this kid,  JL,  who I have known for about 15 years.
nbsp;  When we were younger both of our families were in summer musicals.  & nbsp; I was always left babysitting because I am the oldest,  JL is 5 yrs younger than me,
 one yr younger than my little sister. nbsp;  So he has been bugging me to go see a movie with him. nbsp;  And in the past we all would have gone together,  me,
 Dax,  Ty,  and him. nbsp;  No big deal. nbsp;
 But now with just the two of us it seems weird and I can't bring myself to go. nbsp;  Add in the fact that I found out he has a crush on me and I can't do it. nbsp;  Even though he keeps saying I should just look at him as my stand- in brother until Dax is back.
nbsp;  & nbsp;  So that got me started thinking about crushes.  And thinking about all the crushes I have had in the past. nbsp;
 & nbsp;  Pretty much from& nbsp; at the same time& nbsp;
I met Krysten,  I met someone else who became the ultimate crush from afar. nbsp;  First,  let me explain what exactly a crush from afar is.  It is someone who you don't really know.
nbsp;  You may know them socially,  or you may not even know their name. nbsp;  But the main point is, nbsp;
you've never had a conversation with them. nbsp;  Thats whats so great about a crush from afar. nbsp;  You are able to turn the person into whatever you want them to be.  You run into them out,
 randomly. nbsp;  You slowly learn bits and pieces from other people. nbsp;  eventually you'll probably meet,  and thats where it ends.
nbsp;  Because usually a crush from afar is so great until they talk,  but by then you expect so much from them,  that they can't live up to it,  and you are left un impressed. nbsp;
 unhealthy?  yes. nbsp;  fun?  you betcha. until the end at least,
 and writing all that down makes it all seem very trivial and mean) nbsp;  Does this make any sense? nbsp;  Let me explain my first crush from afar and see if that helps.  &
nbsp;  Sophomore year of college,  I am dating this guy ARM. nbsp;  He is much,  much older,
 knows everyone,  and gets me into 21 and up places. nbsp;  ( A pretty good guy,  we are still friends,
 although his girlfriend isn't a fan of me. nbsp;  One night when I met Arm at Ptar,  I notice there are three girls from my high school there. nbsp;  I go over,
 sit down,  say hi. nbsp;  A few minutes later this guy walks up,  sort of introduces himself,  starts talking to the other girls,
 I wander off. nbsp;  So the next night at Carneys,  after Amy tried to make me change clothes,  we met up with ARM and Amy's boy. nbsp;
 Right before the bar closes,  I notice this guy looking at me,  turns out it is the guy from before. nbsp;  I yell out,  "
Hey I know you. nbsp;  Motion for him to come over and introduce him to everyone. nbsp;  Turns out he already knows everyone. nbsp;
 He sits down and is just staring at me. nbsp;  Finally right before we leave,  he takes my hand tells me I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and can we just hang out sometime. nbsp;  Amy and I start laughing,
 from shock mostly,  I hurriedly write down my number and take off. nbsp;  Of course,  he never calls. nbsp;
 So began my first crush from afar.  & nbsp;  Though the grapevine we find out 1)  he too is much older 2)  he is friends with everyone I know 3)
 he isn't in school 4)  he is a lead singer in a local band. nbsp;  So for about a 6 months,  we,  Krysten and I,
nbsp; would go to the shows,  and jam out to the cover songs in the back. nbsp;  About a year after I first met him,  we figured he couldn't recognize me and were enjoying the concerts front and center.
nbsp;  And then two years later,  we all ( Me,  Krysten,  Jake,
 the crush and his bandmates)  ended up sitting at a kitchen table together. nbsp;  When I actually started listening to the conversation,  I was laughing at myself. nbsp;
 Krys caught my eye from across the table and we both cracked up. nbsp;  Krys just kept egging them on. nbsp;  The conversation basically centered around them and how they could make raps about any ordinary thing,  and how they were going to sell those jingles to become famous.
nbsp;  " How do you like your chicken cooked? nbsp;  And or the next 6 months I thought I was such an idiot for ever thinking all those things about him. nbsp;
 And then somehow,  three years later,  we all became close friends.  ( And until recently he didn't have any idea who I was,  or if he did,
 he didn't let on. nbsp;  One night I brought it up,  and we all just laughed.  & nbsp;
 So that was my first crush from afar. nbsp;  And I realized all my crushes have lead to good things. nbsp;  Scotty T and I became friends. nbsp;
 Evan began as a crush from afar,  but somehow fit into everything I wanted. nbsp;  Strange. nbsp;  Jamey began as a crush from work.
nbsp;  China boy began as a crush from across the class room. nbsp;  ASheedy is the best crush ever,  because I never know when he will show up,  but it always turns out great.
nbsp;  He is still a true crush with no real conversation.  & nbsp;  i ramble. nbsp;
 alot.
