  urlLink by Method from Ubersite I woke up late for work again today, but that didn't stop me from going to Dunkin Donuts and getting my magical iced coffee, without which I would probably hurt someone daily. As I walked in, I noticed a pretty young thing standing at the counter, waiting for her order. She had this tiny little ruffled skirt on that barely covered her ass, so naturally, I stood behind her and checked her out. She knew I was looking; she could see my reflection in the glass in front of her and was giving me dirty looks. Naturally, I took advantage of the situation and decided to mess with her, seeing that she was an arrogant, stuck up cunt that thought she was hot shit. I got into Leisure Suit Larry mode, stood next to her and looked at her.
Me: Hi. Cuntrag: Hi (dirty look) Me (Captain Obvious): Goin out? You're all dressed up. This was the perfect time to wink at her, for absolutely no reason at all. I had said nothing to warrant the wink (Note: No comment warrants winking EVER, don't do it), so it was all the better to creep her out. I smiled and winked at her, as if we had shared some secret.
Cuntrag rolled her eyes, pointed outside, and said "My boyfriend's waiting in the car. " Me: Oh, thats nice. So why are you still standing here? You got your coffee, beat it. Her mouth opened in shock, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. She stormed towards the door, and I watched her little skirt flip around as she left.
What a cunt. I turned back to the counter, and said hello to my buddy that made me my coffee. Next thing I know, someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn my head slightly to see who just touched me, and I'm face to face with 140 pounds of sheer unadulterated guido. He had a tight black shirt on, a gold chain, and the customary spiky Euro-trash haircut. Me: Can I help you?
Euro-Trash: Yo, did you just disrespect my girl? Me: Why yes, I believe I did. I turned back to the counter to await my coffee. Euro-Trash: YO MOTHAFUCKA, IM TALKIN TO YOU. I sighed, turned around and looked at him. Me: Relax bro, It's not that serious.
Your girl's not even that hot. It seems he didn't appreciate that comment. He started shaking his arms and huffing like he was the fucking Ultimate warrior. He had to act all badass. His cuntstain girlfriend was watching from the car. I half expected him to run around the store, looking for ropes to shake.
He didn't. He pushed me. HE PUSHED ME. I haven't been pushed since the third grade. I stared at him, wondering what to do to this guy. He was still huffing and puffing, sticking out his chest like a flamboyant rooster.
I could either: A) Fuck this guy up, be even later for work, and possibly get arrested B) Well, fuck this guy up. He pushed me. I didn't have any other options. Before I could react, my Pakistani friend behind the counter went into a berserker rage. I've mentioned somewhere before that from what I've seen, when Pakistani people get pissed, their eyes turn a feral yellow, and they all have that big throbbing vein going overtime in their foreheads. This was no exception.
"YOU FAKKIN GUY, YOU BAD TROUBLE, GET THE FAKK OUT, FAKKIN GUY! " The Ultimate Warrior looked at him and made the biggest mistake of his life. "This doesnt concern you, you dirty ass Bindu. " Well. Well now. I took 2 steps back and braced myself for the shitstorm.
"YOU GUY, IM FAKKIN PAKISTANI, YOU FAKKIN GUY!!!!!!! " With a war cry, he came running out from behind the counter, broom in hand, and wailed the kid right in the face with the broom. He proceeded to beat the kid over the head with it, all the while screaming "PAKISTANI MATHAFAKKA! PAKISTANI!!!!! " He chased the kid out of the store and into his car. Good job, asshole.
You just got the embarassment and the ass kicking of your life, all because you had to defend your whore of a girlfriend's honor. Way to go. He came back behind the counter, muttering "Fakkin guy" under his breath, and continued making my ice coffee. "Thanks for that" I said to him. "I didn't want to be even later for work because of that asshole" "No problem, my friend, you good man, you always tip. " I smiled, paid for my ice coffee, and left a 5 in the tip jar. 
