  Ok, I have depression...Big deal right? Well there is something that people that dont have depression dont realise. When you are have depression and your life starts to turn to shit, you cannot see anyway out of it other than death.
Over the past months I have been having more and more of my depression "fits". Most peoples reaction to it all is "Get over it, it isnt that bad" If it wasnt for urlLink my prince , I would be dead by now. A number of times he has been all that has stopped my from killing myself. The problem is, I am starting to get so bad that I am almost beyond his help. Instead of killing myself, I have developed the bad habbit of hurting myself with razor blades...Now before you all jump down my throat about it and say that is stupid ect, you need to unerstand something. I cant help it, and also, I havent done it for quite awhile. I cannot explain why I do it, all I know is, is that it provides me with a sense of control and acts as a kind of release. Half of the time when i get into the mood to do it, I kind of faze out and dont realise what I am doing. It is when I realise what I have done and see the blood that the guilt kicks in. Anyway, lately I seem to have progressed beyond cutting, instead I just want to die.
I cannot justify it. I know death is the wimps way out ect, but it is the only way out that I can see. I have run out of people to talk to. My family dont give a shit, the few people that I might be able to remotely class as friends either dont want to hear it, or just dont need the shit. It is pathetic when you are having a party and the only people you have to invite are family. Anyway, I still havent figured out what the point of this post is, I guess it is just a way for me to winge.
It is also a way to explain to people what my brain is doing. Well, I think I will leave you on that misereable thought and go back to trying to stay alive P.S This is also a good time and place to say thank-you to the few people that have stood by me through all my shit...Even if they dont read this, in the case that I do give up one day, I am sure that someone can point them to this post. 
