  have you ever sat down after another pointless day in a trashpile of a highschool and couldn't wait to watch your favorite shows like simpsons when you realize that it has been blocked by a sport that you don't care about?
i have, and it's an excruciatingly painful experience. sports should not be shown on major networks. if kids want to watch the red sox screw up, then they can watch it on the dozen sports channels that cable has to offer.
if they cant do that, then they can either go to the game, or go to hell. at least i don't have to scroll through channels until i get blisters the size of condoleeza rice's teeth on my fingers until i can find something to watch. sports should not be shown on major networks like NBC or FOX. however, if they aren't ever going to be pulled off major channels, then i thought it is my duty to write down ways to improve sports that are boring to watch.
1. baseball - you can't possibly argue my point. baseball may be fun to play, but it is SO BORING TO WATCH. who the hell spends there time watching one game for 4 hours? it's even worse when the teams decide to extend the already suffocating nine innings into ten or sometimes even eleven and twelve innings. it's even worse when the end result tallies up to be a pathetic 2-1. if i was the coach of a baseball team, and the score was 0-0 and it's tenth inning, i would throw in the towel and see a shrink for some explanation for why i signed up for such a horribly dull job. - oh yeah, to improve it. instead of nine (or more) innings. make it zero. the game is over.
the players would just stand around in the heat and spit tobacco at each other like deranged camels for about five minutes until i turn on the sprinklers. that would kick so much ass. 2. nascar racing - it's unbelievable that no one ever talks about this. it amazes me that people can sit in their chairs and watch a commercial that shows fast-foward display of the pit crew, and cars zooming at skirt-tossing speeds.
the actual race on television can be described in one word; nauseating. after the first 57 laps you begin to feel queasy, and by the time all unscathed (despite all the hot stories you've heard) cars head home, you turn into calista flockhart. (my term for a bulimic) - to improve the horribly dull televised "sport" , every person who is watching nascar will be traced and immediately delivered five pounds of weed.
that way, no one will have to feel annoyed about their show being rejected when they can watch cars drive in circles while toked up. plus, all the watchers at home will get the munchies the next morning, which means money for food businesses like safeway. it's brilliant. 3. ice hockey. - you got into a fight, WE GET IT. we don't give a damn that some guy takes his shirt off on the cold hard ice and tries to fight one of his opponents.
what a moron, seriously. if i were him, i would keep the uniform on and clothes-line the victim with my hockey stick. - hockey lacks a certain quality and satisfaction that i require from television. at the end of a hockey match, i don't feel like cheering. i feel like crying for wasting my time when i could have done something more useful like pour brown sugar down my pants. - what hockey needs is explosives. lots of explosives. instead of a puck, make it a grenade.
last player left standing gets nuked. - there are many others, but i wanted to write about the sports that are interrupting quality movies and shows. the sports i listed above may be enjoyable to play, but in terms of viewing, they suck more than a desperate, depressed, drugged up, drunk ditz at a party. - email me (the address is on top of the page just in case your vision sucks) with any ideas for my blog. i have plenty of ideas, but im sure some people would like theirs expressed. - ha 
