  &nbsp; Hello, my name's Matt. You can call me matty...or mark or jerkface...or whatever you prefer. Or perhaps Snake...yes...I rather like that one. I suppose I'm going to give another go at this diary thing...Last time it ended rather badly. I hope I don't piss anyone off this time...THIS TIME. Hell if I know why I'm writing this.
I guess I just am. All most of life really is is somebody's best guess. Take chemistry for example; scientists assume that electrons orbit around the nucleus in seperate valences in a constant, ultra high speed motion. They can't see them, but still they figure that's the way it is. Somebody's best guess until proven wrong by the next big scientific discovery. Last time....last time I was a stupid prick.
Everyone else tells me they forgive me, and they probably do, but I sure as hell don't. &nbsp; Everything is all crazy. I fucked everything up. I suppose every one of us in that fram of mind right now, though. I said things I never should of said...Some were lies...others, well those words have to come from SOMEWHERE. I suppose I was just vindictive at the time.
That or I'm a cold heartless maniac. You know, I was never really one for the&nbsp;self loathing,&nbsp;but now, after all the shit I've done...I can't really not hate myself. I was never really one for hate either. For the longest time, I've been telling everyone: "don't hate" or "anger is bad" blah blah blah. And now I look in the mirror and I see I have become everything I feared. agh.
Did I really see myself here, where I am, two years ago. Well, actually, yes. Less of a knowing, more of a drastic generalization come back to bite me in the ass. Be careful what ya wish for, eh? &nbsp; I've been pondering lately about the existence of God/Vishnu/Buddha/fate or any other sort of higher power or guiding force. An experiment I read about a few months ago happened to pique my interest.
OK, so these two scientists, Prof. Miller and Prof. Urrey, wanted to find out how life originated, so they did what any other scientist in their position would have done; they did an experiment. It is a common belief among scientists that life began with a single cell, and continued on from there. Miller and Urey wanted to find out how this single cell just happened to appear a few billion years back. In the famous Miller-Urey experiment, they took a large glass jar, and fitted it with the components that they believe contrived the environment of our (at the time) young earth; The atmosphere consisted mainly of Methane and Ammonia, the earth was covered mostly by ocean, and the surface was constantly ravaged by fierce electrical storms and intense heat. So, they filled the jar with methane and ammonia, water, and zapped it with electricity every one in a while, churned it, and kept it nice and hot. After only a few days of this process, the water turned a murky brown.
Further tests revealed that the contents of the water were indeed primitive amino acids and carbohydrates, etc. Which makes perfect sense, as Ammonia, Methane and water contain all of the components necessary (which would be Nitrogen, Oxygen, Hydrogen, and&nbsp;Carbon)&nbsp;to build proteins, and, consequently, life itself. The heat and lightning facilitated the chemical reactions to bind the chemicals.&nbsp; Miller and Urey deducted that after a period of time (which could have been millions of years, for all they know), in somewhat of a random fashion, these building blocks of life were brought together, and the first cell was born, able to flourish in the predator-less environment, sustained by the vast quantities of sustinance floating around in the oceans (the apt word, Primordial Soup, comes to mind). So...There was no Garden of Eden, so God is a corporate scam? Dunno. But when I told that experiment to my uber-christian friend, he got kinda pissed off.
Design an experiment to prove God DOES exist, then come talk to me budddy. Until then, these two guys got you beat. &nbsp; By the by, whoever you are, please take a look at my site: urlLink http://lsdnsideburns.tripod.com . Read the poems and whatnot, I could really REALLY use some constructive feedback. Ciao for now. &nbsp; 
