  I'm one questionable youth, but hey, the only way to get answers is to ask questions, is it not? "Perhaps," he would say. I'm a real guardian angel now. For real. Real. I thought somebody was supposed to fall out of the sky to meeee!
Now it looks like the other way around. She's 23 years older than I am, and a 1000 miles away, so don't even consider THAT. It doesn't matter though. It's kind of like my duty. I feel like a superhero again. Another reason not to shoot myself, which happens to be a good thing.
But the tears still flow like a river. What I don't understand, is why this river hasn't run dry yet! I wanted her forever. I will love her forever. My tears will flow forever. I will be a hero forever.
How long will forever last? As long as I MAKE it last. The chains I am bound to have transformed into teeth. Now a thousand little teeth rending and tearing my flesh. No. Now I am on a train.
The train crashes. All 123 of the passengers are dead, except for one, and that one is me. I am the only survivor. Now I feel an unfelt kind of lonliness. The kind that you only feel in dreams, when you're in front of the board of directors, giving your presentation naked. It is because I am invincible.
It is because I am a superhero. I can never die, that is because there are still people to help. I will never die as long as there are people to help. THAT'S why I'm still here. No matter how bad it gets, I do not have the privelage of death. Never.
Before I was a walking corpse, and that is why I would not die. You cannot kill what is already dead. My heart has started beating again. Blood no longer sits, distended in my arms. I am no longer so pale. And my eyes, which had previously rotted out of their sockets, they are back now.
And I can see again. I cannot see the sun, because it is still dark, but I can see the moon. The moon reflects the light of the sun. Not quite the same, a shadow, moreover, a shadow of it's former self, just like me. It's a full moon, and I always liked the moon, just like I like the dark. It will always be dark, though.
So I am still me, only changed. Changed. I am not here for me, I am here for them. I always have been. ME never once mattered. I understand now.
My love, she did not fall from the sky to me. I was simply there to catch her. If I had not caught her, she would have died. Nobody could have survived that. She wasn't brought to me to make my life better, I was brought to her to make her life better. I know now, that there will be no salvation for me, only that I can save others.
That is why I want to be a psychologist, don't you see? I wanted to help people. I always did. It makes perfect sense now. What happens to me does not matter. Only them.
If I die, they die. I cannot let them die. There is no retribution for me. This my purpose. There is no escaping purpose. No denying reason.
It is purpose that binds us; purpose that drives us; that guides us. I am tortured, but it does not matter. I am alive. I can hear my heart again. Hello, my name is Matt. I am forever now. 
