  I'm just going to clost my eyes and start writing. All of my thougs flowing out of me. Circles, everything goes in circles. Let me of of this merry go round of myself. We all think that we're right. Locked away in our own private minds, of course it is reasonable.
I'm not saying that it isn't....only, what if? I was somehow born with my dad's bad temper. I never thought of being emotional, intense, passionate and BAD before. But that was before. I saw a child throw a fit at work yesterday. He had hurt another student, but when he saw his mom he ran screaming for her.
She did something that most parents wouldn't do. She wouldn't let him touch her. She told him to sit, to finish his time-out, and to stop crying before he got up. My parents used to do that to me. "stop crying". I thought that they were so mean. Now I realize that one of the biggest lessons that a parent must teach is emotional control. Not allowing emotions to rule us and make decisions for us is key. Emotions are to be a seasoning to life. Something to make it more real, for us to experience those around us and to form a bond; they drive us back to God. But they must be controlled, so that they don't control us. Many adults have not learned this lesson.
It makes it harder to love them over time. They love intensely but they also hate the same way. But hate will come to all those to cross their line, and everyone will eventually. I have the makings of one of these people. My first thoughts are feelings. Oh-I don't fly off the handle and let everyone know what I REALLY think; but I could leak a few zingers if I wanted to. I have such highs and lows, sometimes in the same day. This morning I had an amazing time of communion with God, but alas, I have experienced emotions during the day and now I FEEL differently.
Silly, isn't it? God has not moved, but my heart has. I just sat down on the couch to suck my thumb for awhile and cry it all out. Confession came instead. Ahhh Father. Do you ever tire of me? I tire of myself. I get so confused sometimes. I can be so strong willed and rebellious, and then so weary and submissive. I have gone through this day hoarding my feelings to myself and now I am all wrapped up in them. They're blue and wrapped around me like a big rubber-band ball. The more that I struggle the more that I am encased by them.
I'm sorry Father. Sorry for being resentful and jealous, sorry for being sneaky and rebellious-if only in my mind. I am just going to sit here until you unwind me. Remind me to come to you FIRST. That you know the most appropriate and healthy emotion for the circumstance. Help me not to go overboard as I so often do. Help me to not close up and feel nothing at all. I know that you gave me my feelings. You made me the type of person that I am. Show me where the balance lies, and please don't allow me to run out ahead of you in this area. 
