  I was greeted on my arrival home with the news that the bloody serpent next door got loose during the night and the neighbours couldn't find it. (Did I tell you I hate... I did? OK, just checking, 'cos it hasn't changed! ) Needless to say I scurried into my house, locked my door and did a mental inventory of all my doors and windows.
Any screens ripped, any doors left open, could the damn thing be slithering through the venting and ductwork waving it's little forked tongue at me? (Mommy!!!!!!! ) Thankfully by early evening the panic was over, Hissing Sid was found in their basement. He sure covered ground from a second floor bedroom. Just the thought of keeping a snake in the bedroom has my skin crawling. (I was about to ask who in their right mind keeps a snake in the bedroom, then remembered my ex-husband and decided to keep quiet). Damn, now why did I have to call the bloody snake Hissing Sid? I have that feckin' song in my head now.
The bravest animals in the land are Captain Beaky and his band That's Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Bat They march through the woodlands singing songs That tell how they have righted wrongs Once Hissing Sid, an evil snake, kept the woodland folk awake In fear and trembling every night In case he gave someone a bite Said Artful Owl, 'We'll lie in wait And one of us will be the bait.
" Said Captain Beaky, "Have no fear! For I alone will volunteer! " It goes on for another umpteen verses so I wont bore you with it...but any English Gen X-ers will remember that what was a novelty song in the mid 80's exploded into a silly "Save Hissing Sid" "Sid is Innocent" " The Trial of..." etc etc ... all thanks to a BBC Radio 1 disc jockey at the time named urlLink Noel Edmonds . What scares me is I remember all this useless shite. Anyway...I digress.... more later....heading for my 5am shower. 
