  people tell me i should write. do you think i should write? but write what. see this is easy for me. i just write what is going on in my life and how i feel about it. im not a writer. im a singer. or actor. maybe a music writer but thats even far fetched in my mind at the moment. sure i love to write, about love mostly.
but with no love of my life at the moment besides my daydreams of elijah wood its hard. i havent seen mike for a month. its hard going from seeing him everyday to without him for 3 months. sure im over him, or atleast it feels like i am, but he is my inspiration. just about everything ive writen can be connected to him. taking away my inspiration is like taking away my heart. i cant write without inspiration just like i cant live without my heart. inspiration is not something you can puchase at your local supermarket. its incredibly difficult to find. i was so lucky to find a never ending sorce that i could just look at and make the words flow. it was just came so easy. now i have this weird form of writersblock, which i cant have cause im not a writer.
i dont even have a picture or anything, just memories. what do i do if i go back to school and i dont feel anything. really feel nothing. i realize that that would be a personal breakthrough as this crush will have been going on for 3 years the end of october. but what do i do. i love to write. but what am i to do with nothing to write about. i write about the pain and longing in my heart and soul but what can i write about in the absence of that? it honestly scares me. i cant fake having feelings for him just as i couldnt ignore them when they were there. i tried everything, finding someone else, reading my old stuff. nobody ive found is as real as him or makes me feel the same way just looking into his eyes made me feel.
he was so great for me. so amazingly perfect. i remember how he made me feel, but i dont feel it. its a hard feeling to describe. just everytime i heard his voice or looked into his eyes i felt complete, like i could stop looking. ive never felt that before, didnt think i would for a long time. but now its gone. can that happen?
can everything ive ever felt for him vanish just as quickly as it conquered my soul? ever since the dream everything has just been so weird. that was the last great entry i wrote. i told myself it was over, convinced myself there was nothing a long time ago. why did it stay so long before leaving my head dry. i have nothing to write about, no inspiration. you cant replace an inspiration like that. or find another. i morn my lose. i morn him not being in my thoughts. i dont think i'll ever write again. to read what i write about him go to - http://thethingsiwrite.blogspot.com i will be posting on it soon if it is blank now. 
