  what if somebody read all the things i write down, all the feelings im too afraid to share? it would be like opening a book of my soul for anyone to read.
my life would shatter with over exposure. thats why i write stuff down in the first place. its my way of expressing my emotions without actually talking to someone. ive been avoiding emotional contact with people since the great depression of my seventh grade life. it seemed like talking to people who could not handle the complexity of my existence only made things worse. nobody my age was going throught what i was so they didnt understand. soon it felt like no one cared and i was left alone in the dark with more emotional baggage than any one person can carry. instead of continuing the meaningless search for understanding i picked up a pencil and started writing. i poured my life, heart and sould on to that paper until it began to drip with emotion. the words seemed to flow like they had been sitting in my head waiting for their turn to meet the world. the product was more dark and depressing than i ever could have imagined yet the process was liberating.
with a new found veiw of life i could not bear to red the passage i had just slaved over for fear of it consuming me once again. i tore my masterpeice into peices so tiny you could not make out the word any more. little did i know i would continue the process of writing down my emotions realizing i was the only one always willing to listen. i unpacked my baggage one bag at a time drenching my pages never ment to be seen by anone else's eyes.
i dont konw when i stopped destroying them and stared storing them in one of the shoe boxes in my collection. when i read some of my early works, finally being strong enough that they dont affect me any more, they are filled with hatred and sorrow. comparing them to the many pages i have recently filled i can tell how much ive grown and how much they have helped me.
i didnt need anyone to help me back on me feet, i could do it all on my own. there are no dates or times writen on my pages, few names used. those things arent important. it doesnt matter when it was written or who about, all that matters is that i wrote it, and those emotions are not longer swimming around in my head ready to explode. i have a lifetime of events and emotions writen out so i can remember every moment. that is a lot better than any picture, even if they are worth a thousand words. 
