  this new post is probably the most needed one that ive written. none of my friends care. i realize this. who wants to hear my ramble about sad stories of my life? cmon. well.. i just got back from downtown wish alisha.
shit i wanted to talk with her. i am saying random cuss words every so often. alisha has someone... hes a cool guy, hes my friend. i am even happy for her. you see though... she thought she told me about him... i didnt know. my mindset totally changed after she kissed him... i didnt want to be sad.
i couldnt hide it. she was the only one that ive loved. i will get over it. i need to start looking at her as a friend. she is a cool person. i need a good friend right now.
god i hope i didnt make things awkward. i plan for the worst, but i totally didnt see that coming. what the fuck is up with it all... i couldnt stop like sighing and crap and it mustve shown that i was angry.. eventually, i told her i loved her, i told her i was going to start crying and i needed to go home. she has been so kind to me. a few years back, i kinda made a vow that i didnt want anyone feeling sorry for me. i could NOT hold my emotion in.
girls are always like, oh guys are jerks guys use you, etc... ive been striving to not be that kind of person for years now. i couldnt be a jerk if i tried. i really hope they get along. they are both great people.. i hope i find someone too though honestly. shit i cant even get a girlfriend. alisha is one of a kind.
is there anyone out there for me? i suppose life isnt over. i cant help but wonder what she is thinking right now. well maybe our true colors will show, things will finally settle. i.. so need to move on, but i cant. love is forever.
i have learned a lot from all of this.. what the hell it seems like i hit a total dead end. we will see what happens. for now, i have to write a nice long email to her. see ya folks. 
