  Today I feel HORRIBLE! I can't believe I actually did what I what I've done. . . I hit her. My Mother!
I was so fed up and annoyed that I couldn't take it anymore. I believe I really did fuck everything up this time. The only thing I can do right now is to not think about it. I want to read my book but Christine has it. Christine is (actually, was) my best friend. She is a great person, but I can't do it.
To her, I am always depressed and emotional and I keep bringing her down. I refuse to do that to her anymore. I know she does't deserve it. I'm starting to cry angain so I cannot talk about it. I cry a lot. Over the stupidest things, too.
I guess all I really want is attention, but I never get it. So I cry. Even my doing that I just get yelled at. No one wants me here, but all I can do is my best and don't listen to them. I have to go by a more possitive mannor. I'm drinking Orange Soda.
I love Orange Soda. I looked at my arms yesterday. Actually LOOKED at them. Stared. It's scary because they're all covered in scars and they'll probably be there forever. I am ashamed.
That's why I am trying to keep this journal a secret. So no on ewill know about it. Hm. I am extremely tired. I went to bed, say 2:30? And I woke up at like 5 something.
I really wish we got that weed on Friday. I really need it. . It was about $20-30 worth. Not too much, but enough. Okay, well I'm done.
Bye -Kat 
