  Hello world, this is Ackron/Tigger_On_Crack. Yes, yes I am undecided on which name I’m going to choose so I’ll use this one for right now. I don’t think it will be too confusing for the world at large to associate two names for one person, especially if they play EQ and can understand the concept of ALT’s.
Well, my morning was interesting today. I am used to lying in bed with the sounds of Kermit and Cookie Monster going off in the background till I have to wake up at about 9 or so. This morning however I was awakened by a sippy cup bashing me repeatedly in the head. Unbeknownst to me my son just figured out how to open doors and really, really wanted a drink. I guess he felt the need to go agro on me. I swear the sippy cup has to do lethal damage. *touches tender eye* So there I was black eye on the way, Pheonix still sleeping peacefully and a two-year old on rampage. First thought through my head is “this is too painful to be a dream” second thought “how in the hell do men sleep?” When Son was born he slept through midnight roll calls, he sleeps through tornado alarms, now he’s sleeping through 7am juice requests.
Is there some sort of biological chemistry that the female brain simply neglected to give us or is God still pissed about that God-damned peice of rotten fruit? I wonder if the man who got his dick chopped off slept through that as well. Anyways, I get up and give the kid a drink. I think if he is smart enough to get out of his room and strong enough to give me a black eye then he can get his own drink. Get a chair, spill it on the floor if he doesn’t drown I don't care. Now is the second dilemma of the morning.
How do you put a 2 year old back in bed when they can open up the door with out having well intending neighbors and Grandmothers call CPS? Not sure. It's 7am, my thought processes just are not booting. So I let him in my room and tell him that I’m going to sleep. He seems fine with that and why not? I never let him in my room it’s a no-kid zone and not baby/toddler proof at all.
So as I lay staring at the ceiling with Zack merrily sipping on his fucking juice and staring at all of his new toys that he gets to randomly destroy, horrible thoughts start to pile through my head. He could climb on my desk chair, fall and get a concussion, go Evil Kinevil off my desk and into the pile of forbidden laundry, fall into my closet and enter a second dimension of reality never to be seen again (nice thought at the time I stuck with that one for a while) electrocute himself with the outlets under my desk. I get up again and try to convince the rampaging toddler to sleep with me on the bed. He body slams Pheonix who finally wakes up.
Not bad, there is something that will wake him up besides sex. Now we’re all up. Fun. I decide to go to work early. For the past weekend our water heater has been broken. Nice lovely landlord from hell has been promising a fix ‘the next day’ since the end of June. I feel like a pioneer woman, heating the water before cooking and bathing and ice showers. Son is the luckiest out of us all and gets an invitation to have a nice bath at Grandma’s house.
I’m so jealous. What are my boobs not as speacial as the kid? Do they not deserve love? Guess not. For all the men who don't have boobs picture your testicles without the turtle feature then take a shower in falling ice cubes. Time to take another. I yip as I get in and Pheonix laughs. Never laugh at a woman with frozen nipples. Rage ensues. I'll leave it at that. Ackron -- Ziggur! Wait for Back-up! 
