  When I first became Muslim,  I was reading all the time;  studying all the time;  learning all the time.  Then I got married,  and got pregnant,
 and had my baby and suddenly I didn't study as much,  if at all.  Going to any class became a total chore,  especially if I came in the middle and had to start at the beginning or try to play catch up on the side as I picked up where they were.  It was just so tedious.  Then I found myself just going through the motions.
 Making Salaat ( the five daily prayers)  because I was supposed to,  and rushing through them to complete whatever task I was doing before then.  Only begrudingly reading my Qur'an when I got tired of flipping channels and I didn't want to re- read any of the books on my shelf and NPR simply held nothing for me (
I've pretty much given up on privately owned radio stations since they are all owned by one of three conglomerates- in Detroit you really only Clear Channel stations and one station that is privately owned and operated by the Free Masons,  who,  by the by,  run the best radio station in Detroit that isn't public radio- and all the music is crap)
 For a while I holed myself up in my apartment,  using the excuse that I hate the telephone not to call people ( I really do hate the telephone,  I spent 3 years as a campus telephone operator the only thing I hate more than talking on the phone is hearing the phone ring)  my main contact with the community was online,  at jummah (
when I attended)  and random run- ins at Wal- Mart ( who doesn't shop at wal- mart,
 really?  Recently I joined an Arabic class to start learning Arabic so I can teach my daughter one day,  Insha'allah ( God Willing)  And when I really started to get into it,  I began to feel it.
 I began to feel my spirit wake up.  I feel like I'm not just going through the motions.  I don't feel like a black and white person just moving through a technicolor world.  It's almost the same way I felt back when I took shahada.  I can feel my insides waking up.  I walk into the door of my apartment with an entirely different attitude.
 I don't feel like " Well,  let's get this over with.  It's more like " Ok,  what's going on,
 do you need any help and what can I do even if you don't need help.  I feel alive again.  Subhan'allah ( Glory be to God)  I was beginning to resent my choice of becoming Muslim deep down.  But now,
 it's like a dark cloud has rolled away and now I can see the sun again.  Let's hear it,  three for the sunnah:  TAKBIR!  TAKBIR!  TAKBIR!
