  I'm on a mission. I've decided to dedicate a good portion of my time and effort to protest against the C2 movement. I wholeheartedly believe that it represents what is most seriously wrong about our culture: the commercials, the concept, the taste. Everything is bad. For those of you who regularly watch TV or listen to the radio, I'm sure you've heard a commercial or two about C2. They play the oldie-but-goodie "You Can't Always Get What You Want," phrasing an unpleasant scenario in which you hypothetically must put yourself out to help out your best friend, your neighbor, your parents, your pets. They float the entire campaign on the fact that C2 has half the calories and half the carbohydrates of regular Coca-Cola, and all the taste, so now you CAN get what you want -- guilt-free taste.
Look, ladies and gentlemen. I've been against this Atkins craze since the beginning of its media frenzy. There is absolutely nothing healthy about ketosis (the state of shock your body goes into when it is denied carbohydrates). I fervently believe that this "low-carb" craze is just selling Americans what they always think they want: effortless instant gratification.
If you want to lose weight, get off your lazy ass and exercise. That's the only thing we're going to have to do as a culture in order to not be laughed at by other countries around the world. We can't cut this and add that...we learned that with the low-fat diets. Usually when you cut down on one thing, you add twice as much of another; Snackwell's has no fat, sure, but it's got tons of sugar. Steak sauteed in butter and smothered in A1 has no carbs, sure, but do you want to know what it's doing to your aorta? So I say this. America, get over yourselves. You can't biggie-size ANYTHING and expect to not pay for it in one way or another.
Fries will give you a heart attack eventually. If you sue someone because you're too stupid to use your common sense, the entire economy suffers. Small-town doctors are going out of business because they can't afford malpractice insurance, and before we know it we're going to sue ourselves out of affordable medical coverage. The price of food is going up because everybody has to hire researchers to figure out exactly how some idiot in Buttfuckville could use said product to hurt themselves and sue for kajillions.
It's just not easy...so deal with it and move on. As far as C2, I say to you...don't drink it. It symbolizes all that's wrong with our culture and more. Oh, and it tastes like ass. I tried it. Nasty, nasty shit. You've been warned. 
