  I was in traffic school last night. A class of 170 in Newport Beach. I was sitting next to a girl who intrigued me when she talked about playing soccer in college (I've always had a thing for soccer chicks). Someone across the room was questioning the legality of her ticket. I couldn't see her from my vantage point. She had one of those voices that was slightly shrill.
The sort of voice that sounds like audio that had been distorted to sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. Trying my signature charm and humor, I said, "I didn't know members of the lollipop guild could get tickets. " She didn't say anything, so I kept going. "Is she going to pay her fine in Lucky Charms? " Still, not a laugh. "Or a whole pot 'o gold?
" "Where'd she get her ticket, 'over the rainbow'? " At least I was amusing myself. "Maybe the mayor of Munchkin City can get her a pardon. " Now I was confused, this was quality material. The girl was done holding back. "My sister is a dwarf!
" "How was I supposed to know your sister was a midget? " I backtracked, realizing too late I was commenting about a victim of dwarfism to one of only two people in the class who I could have offended. "A dwarf! She's a dwarf! " "It's not that big of a deal," I said, thinking the dust had settled. "Big?
Big? Ha ha. You're very funny, aren't you? " I spent three chilling hours next to someone who possibly loathed me more than I loathe myself. And back for another four hours in assigned seats next Thursday. 
