  Welcome to, “Condensed Cream of Book for Busy People Who Want to Know, But Don’t Have Time to Read a Whole Book and All” by Pauline Cunningham.
Today’s Condensed Cream of Book is: “You CAN say NO to your teenager” By: Jeanett Shalov, M.S., Irwin Sollinger PhD, Jules Spotts PhD, Phyllis S Steinbrecher M.A., Douglas W Thorpe M.S. Ok, after I quit laughing, I realized that it took 5 Doctors of varying degrees to tell me I can say, “No” to my kids. Hell, I can say, “Purple dingo snarks are plorging in the Oggle Shlepps.” And I get the same reaction as “no”.
Which is none at all. I’ve taken to dying my hair pink, wearing neon-plaid army boots and a tutu, and my kids still don’t acknowledge my existence, much less anything that might be gurgling from my kid-damaged brain. It’s a well-known fact that it’s your teenager’s sole and sacred responsibility to be completely and totally non-reactive to anything you say or do. This takes a great deal of concentration, determination and fortitude on their part. From the age of 13 on, they practice daily, harder and harder, ever advancing in their ability to look at you blankly and say, “Huh?” in that one singular tone that shoots to the core of your brain and infuriates you so completely that you temporarily go blind with rage.
They attend meetings with friends, work on pitch and range of voice, staring without blinking, eye rolling and the ever-important total void of facial expression. Botox was created just so we ancients could get that look back again. I’m sure this book has all kinds of contradictory advice like, “Be Firm but fair. Be tough but tender. Be strong but soft.” What, are we paper towels here? My advice to you, dear reader, is when your kid turns 16, say, “Happy birthday honey!” Give them a kiss, turn around and run like hell. And I’m not even a PhD. 
