  Kevin and I met four years ago, and I won't bore you with too much detail because I feel like I need to focus on the future rather then the past. We were, as cliche as it sounds, so happy at first. Dating for five months then moving in together, starting with an apartment, then gradually upgrading until we finally bought a house, got married and had a baby. Kevin already had two of his own who at the time were pre-teen age. I was thrilled to play Mommy complete with gifts and outings fit for a two very spoiled step children. I was proud to be a good step Mom I was nice to them and they got everything they wanted. This I thought would go over very nicely with my new husband. However, not to sound self riotous, but all good deeds go unnoticed VERY unnoticed. Thus some resentment set in, naturally ungratefulness can make a person very bitter.
Let me back up a bit, while we were all getting acquainted pre-wedding and still living in a one bedroom apartment Kevin and I had a lot of freedom. The kids were only around on the weekends leaving he and I to have many free nights of drinking and lots of partying. That was one of the things that we had in common we both had no qualms about having a good time at the bar or in the bedroom for that matter. So we started on a long journey of frequenting the local pub every night. Now in the past I had been a "partier" but mostly stuck to smoking pot. I had not been a big drinker until then. So I eventually found myself actually looking forward to getting off work, going home, having dinner and dropping $60 bucks at the bar, every single night. We even started a tab so that when we didn't have cash during the week we could bill it and pay it at the end of the week. We spent almost two straight years drinking shots and singing to the juke box. At some point when I wasn't looking, we made a choice that has changed and shaped the way we live and our lives permanently. It started so slow though that it wasn't evident what kind of damage it would do until years later.
There was a night at one point when Kevin came home with a little yellow pill. He told me we had to crush it up and snort it just a little bit at a time. Then bought another one the next night and the following week, until at one point I decided I didn't want to do them anymore because they made me vomit. So instead I kept my distance but continued to torture myself at the same time until about six months later.
We did a great big thing in our lives, we stopped going to the bar all together. In fact we stopped drinking all together. This was the a good price to pay, at the time, for the better high of snorting Oxycontin. We decided that drinking and snorting Oxy's was what was making us SOO sick and instead of going to the bar everynight we did those, in the coziness of our own home!
Looking back I can't believe how unaware I was of the potential danger for life ruin. I was so happy to have an incredible drug, lots of money and a new little happy family. And no one would detect it because it wasn't like we were at the bar or hungover anymore. However, all of this went much slower then this little summation and I shall start there in the next post.
The stages of our addiction seemed to be dictated by the changes we were making in our lives our lives at the time, moving(to a duplex), buying cars, buying the house, getting married, and having a baby. For each event that occurred the stakes were raised and this keen game we indulged in got a lot more complicated. All the while I viewed these things proudly as what people do when building a life and starting a family. And it was, just minus the drugs. Now that we have completed our family plan project, settled down and obtained all the things we had wished for as children (a spouse, a house, a nice car, good job, comfortable living), it is all crumbling. The walls are caving in and things are being destroyed, everything! It is all moving in reverse of how it came about, our life we obtained for ourselves is literally diminishing. Like we built a web page but it had a virus in it the whole time we were building it and now we have to go back step by step and undo all the work we have done just to fix it. And it's devastating to say the least. 
