  Yeah it's Palomba and yeah this is all from www.upsaid.com/futurerem and yeah it's all from earlier in the week, but you who I am talking to don't really exist so what difference does it make? Wednesday, July 14th 2004 Inner Dialogue | 11:59 PM "I'm beginning to think it's the sort of thing that can't be beaten. " "Why's that? " "Because if it could, I would have beaten it already. " "My God, you're giving up? " "No...I'm just not going to fight so hard for awhile.
" "But you said..." "If you let it go at its own pace, it just gets dark quicker. " "What's changed? " "Nothing. " There is no light...we run on. Entry posted by King | Zero note [Add] | www | E-Mail this entry You're The Crazy Person Other Crazy People Look To For Inspiration... | 11:30 PM Somehow, I take that as a compliment. I can guarantee you that I've thought of at least one thing worth talking about here since last time I posted.
But I'm working on being brief so I won't tell you what it was. Entry posted by King | Zero note [Add] | www | E-Mail this entry My Left Eye | 8:38 PM If you read this yesterday you know about the spot on my left eye. It's been there for about four years. Never goes away...ever. I always see it, sometimes it blends in to what I'm looking at so much that I don't notice it, but it's there. Funny thing is that for some reason, today, it wasn't.
I can't explain it, but it just wasn't there. I didn't notice till about fifteen minutes ago but when I think back I'm absolutely certain of the fact that it hasn't been there all day long. I wanted to be sure it was gone before I wasted an entry on it and trust me it was gone, but as I was typing the first sentence of the first paragraph here...it came back. It would all be funnier if it wasn't true. Entry posted by King | Zero note [Add] | www | E-Mail this entry Tuesday, July 13th 2004 Tonight's Mistakes And Why In The Long Run They Don't Really Matter | 11:37 PM Shit... I was really, really atrocious tonight.
I had nothing. Couldn't get a thing going. I mean my voice sounded fine, but I wasn't saying anything worth saying. I feel really bad because there were points during the year where I was actually almost decent, and now that Matt is coming into his own and doing really well on the show...I'm just not holding up my end. I hate that feeling, that feeling where I'm holding someone else back. And to make things worse I hate bailing on people, so I don't want to just up and go while he's stuck there covering for the next guy who is running late.
Thing is he's probably better off alone there (and I think he's starting to know it). And besides I'm sure he had places to go, and I was just going back to the woods, so if anyone should have wanted to bail out early it should have been him...but he hung in there, so I did too. Mistake #1. Mistake #2. At some point in the year I began to believe the hype. That maybe I was good at something, that maybe I could do something that not everyone could do.
Guess what? Don't believe the hype. Matt, Julie, Corey, Rob, John...all better than me. Every single one of them, I'm not sure they all realized it, but they definitely were. I was ok, nothing to brag about. It's almost the same with Nick, Forti, Gonzo, etc.
They each have their own thing that they want to do, that they intend to do. I mean I have mine, and I'm content with it, but it seems like that's all there is for me. What about everything else? Everyone else seems to string it together, why can't I? Mistake #3. I taught myself my morals and values.
I decided what was important early on and I held onto it. I still do. I decided that friends and family are more important then money and business so even though I have, in essence, become a business man I still have my priorities. Problem is my family sucks, I don't see my friends very often and, in the past year, I have tended to mistake "friendliness" for "friendship". How is that one of tonight's mistakes? I don't know.
And by the way, even with the recognition of the mistake, I'll still call them all friends. Mistake #4. I drive 45 minutes to an hour each way to do a sixty minute radio show that no one listens to. For some reason this still holds my interest, is still something I enjoy doing, is something I am going to continue to do until the boss tells me not to. Maybe I should keep reminding him of that...that all he has to do is tell me to go away. Tonight's fifth and final mistake...this.
See I sometimes act like I don't know that this is nothing special. I do. I know exactly how not special this is, but I keep coming here anyway. Over and over and over again. People think it's all about me, but it isn't. I swear.
I read everyone else's and a lot of them sound just like me...and that's why I have hope. Because sitting here, alone, bored, fighting off the afflictions in my cozy little corner of the Birchwoods...I know that there are thousands of others out there just like me, now how come we can't figure out a way to solve these problems together? Hell, I'm in a pretty good mood. Bored and lonely, but in a pretty good mood. Entry posted by King | Zero note [Add] | www | E-Mail this entry 
