  Since my work situation is really, really bad, as stated and defined in an earlier post, I decided that instead of doing "work" today, I'd analyze nursery rhymes in an attempt to find their true meaning. I'm pretty sure that that Mama Goose was one freaky chick. There was an Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, She had so many children, she didn't know what to do; She gave them some broth without any bread, She whipped them all soundly, and put them to bed. Translation: There was an old woman who lived in the projects. Actually, she wasn't really that old. Say like, maybe mid 30's.
Anyway, she had slutted around in her 20's, and now she was really paying for it. Well, not paying in a LITERAL sense. It's actually me that pays for it, out of every "paycheck. " Bitch. The Little Pigs This little pig went to market; This little pig stayed at home; This little pig had roast beef; And this little pig had none; This little pig said, "Wee, wee, wee! I can't find my way home.
" Translation: This little pig fit, active, and probably is the only one who ever cleans up after himself. This little pig is a lazy bastard, and makes messes for the active pig to clean up. This little pig should probably be a vegetarian, no? This little pig has an eating disorder. Perhaps a cocaine addiction. This little pig is an aspiring country music star.
Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for my master, one for my dame, and one for the little boy that lives in our lane. Translation: Yo man, do you have a coat or some shit? It's fucking cold out here! Hickory Dickory Dock Hickory, dickory, dock, the mouse ran up the clock; the clock struck one, the mouse ran down; hickory, dickory, dock.
Translation: Hickory, dickory, dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one... ...and crushed that little bastard. Jack and Jill Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water; Jack fell down, and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Translation: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get it on. Jack fell down because Jill shot him. That's what happens when boys lie.
Old King Cole Old King Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he; He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl, and he called for his fiddlers three. Each fiddler, he had a fiddle, and a very fine fiddle had he; Twee-tweedle-dee, tweedle-dee, went the fiddlers, Oh, there's none so rare, ws can compare with Old King Cole and his fiddlers three! Translation: Old King Cole was a merry old soul because he smoked a lot of dope. 
