  Yup,  I'm surely in a funk.  I think there are a number of reasons as to why,  and of course I'm sure that the anxiety and fears of trying to conceive ( especially after two miscarriages)  are a part of it.
 Being a full- time step mom suddenly for the summer ( now 4 weeks into 8,  when my PRE- TEEN step- daughter has never been here more than 10 days before)
 definitely plays big part as well,  but all in all that's going well.  ( If we can just eliminate the pre- teen attitude and whining.  I hate whining!
 At any rate,  it's been almost a month since I created this blog and decided to delve into the world of journaling,  and yet I've still written almost nothing.  I have this problem,  you see,  where I need to do everything perfectly (
yes,  I believe that is called perfectionism)  so I often end up putting things off because I can't do them just right.  It's not really how I want to be,  so maybe that's one thing of many I can work on here,  along with my quest for patience and faith .
 I have had all sorts of ideas for this blog,  and various entries written in my head,  but I've gotten nowhere without starting somewhere,  so here I am.  I think I'd like to turn this blog into a couple of different things. semi)
 daily journaling will definitely be good therapy for me ( up until now,  the boards have been instrumental to me in that way,  but I think I am getting to another place where they are not as helpful to me anymore. not to say that the support and friendship I've found there isn't still important,  just that I think I need a new forum.
 I'm getting off track again ( I do that a lot) another idea that I've had is to make this blog a place where I can post the " history"  of this past long and painful year,  since my first pregnancy and first miscarriage.
 I've saved a lot of " key"  things that I've written,  either in e- mails or in posts on message boards,  and I think I may copy them here,
 to show the flow of my emotion and ( hopefully)  the growth I've made over the last year.  Of course,  that'll take some time,  so who knows when I'll get around to it.
for now,  let's just say that this blog is.  UNDER CONSTRUCTION.  Thanks for reading if you have. so far I have not been bold enough to make this public,  so if you have read this,
 I already know you are a close and supportive friend I made on the boards.  Thanks ladies. hugs)  More to come. hopefully in less than a month's time.
