  Hello you, and thanks for reading this... It has gotten to the point where I want to do very little. Nothing seems like it's worth doing. "It's just one of those days, you don't wanna wake up; everything is fucked and everybody sucks! " - Limp Bizkit. Only it's like that EVERYday.
Everyone backstabs. Everyone but maybe 1 guy that I know who wouldn't do it. Everyone else talks to you and makes plans with you, then goes 5 feet and talks shit on you. The sad thing is, I'm no different. I'm not nearly as bad, and I've been improving a lot, but for the most part, I'm just as disloyal as everyone else. The only two people I have any real motivation not to backstab is my best guy friend, and Aimee, the girl I just for some reason can't get out of my head.
Right now, it seems like the only thing that can redeem me would be seeing Aimee. Is that wrong to put that much pressure on someone? I don't want her to do things just because she feels bad for me. But the truth is, she is the only real person I can trust. She is the only real person period. Everyone else is fake and they don't even know themselves.
Does that make any sense what-so-ever? You may be thinking I'm a really negative person, but I'm really not. I just kind of... quit caring. For example: You eat a meal that makes you tanner, removes acne, makes you 'sexier', makes you richer, completely fulfills all your vitamin needs, completely fills you up, and is the best tasting thing you've ever aten in your life... are you ever going to want to eat anything else? Basically, once you expirience the best, you don't want anything else. If you know you'll never expirience the best again, it's easier to move on.
But what if you're unsure? What if it's a maybe? What if you get little bites of that meal here and there? It is going to keep you hooked. What I'm trying to get at is that Aimee was the best friend I ever had, for she stuck with me, and she was just... perfect. She improved my life so much, and besides that...
I just loved her! And no matter what I just can't get over her. It's not an obsession, because if not talking to me makes her happy, than I don't want her to talk to me. It's not about me , it's about her . It doesn't help that I just recently, out of jealousy, pretty much called her a slut to her face last night. That was me and my selfish jealousy fucking up again.
Up untill then, things had been going really good! Anyway... I don't what to do anymore so I'm going to sleep. Sleep. sleep. sleep.
I've just got to constantly pound into my head unnatural feelings of not caring, not wanting to care, and not even thinking of caring. I've got Zero Motivation, and I need SOME kind of Medication. Wether it be drugs, girls, a new friend, sleep, or what. But I need something to take away this desire so I can get my motivation back for other things. Wouldn't it be nice if everything just worked out how you want it to? If I could just have the thing I wanted most.
Too bad nothing ever works out that way. ---I'll leave you at that. Thanks, please comment. 
